Thanks, that's good to know. I've slipped on my bare minimum of oxy strategy today but I started off very small all morning and it was only later, as I felt more confident that the kratom will be able to comfort me when I force myself off, that I opened the flood gates and started having a lot. This last week or two though I've barely gone over 100mgs a day and I haven't felt bad for dropping so that's something. Getting to zero is a different story.
Things feel pretty good at the minute and not just due to oxycodone but I have a good outlook with the way things are going and what I intend to do it's just I know things will get rocky as I actually start to take the plunge. I hope I can maintain a positive outlook as I cut oxy out of my life. I start rehearsals for a new play on Monday evening so it will be tough going if I have rough days and rehearsals to contend with. It may be the case that I stay with kratom until after the play is over in April. If I am cunning with my dosage cuts I may find after the play I'm ready to walk away but I know from experience that the last bit - even when it's barely anything compared to what you were taking, even when it's about a tenth of your last drop - is so challenging to quit. That will be the darkest moment. (I hope)
This time last year I was cutting diazepam about 5-10 mg every four days and I'd make the next cut and only start feeling the previous. It was really harsh but I handled it well and my strongest tool in my arsenal was uplifting or moving films. I covered stuff I hadn't seen but should have like Rainman, The Breakfast Club, Goodwill Hunting and they took me away from all my suffering for a couple of hours. The first one I watched was Basketball Diaries (I'd seen it before but many years prior to then) and it just made me think about lost potential and how drugs aren't worth it. I cried and cried and I knew it was giving me strength to try and find some of my own lost potential. Anyway, time passed and I got bored and started dabbling with addictive substances again only to let it get out of hand. That last diazepam taper was after ruining Christmas for the fifth year running and I'd run out of chances with friends and family so quitting was the only option. This time it's quit before the problem gets beyond the point of me feeling I can take control but I have to be careful as the more control I feel I have the easier it is to slip. Catch 22.
The next few days I will be experimenting with the kratom and keeping myself more than comfortable with oxy but come the weekend the plan will have to take effect and I hope by then I have an idea of how I will maneuver through this minefield comfortably. I am relying on the kratom to be a real life preserver, if my tests with it prove unsatisfying I may start to fear.