hey guys, i was wondering if ANYONE could help me out in this very difficult time of mine with some type of reassurance or hope. my heart goes out to all the sufferers on this page as before this time i didnt realize how many people are damaged now i know first hand. before stating whats wrong i wanna genuinely give my heartfelt thank to everyone of you posters and people who reply who seek to help all these people in this time of distress. this experience that im going through has hit a total 180 in my life as before this my life was perfect and this has changed me forever (if i recover definitely for the positive.) it has definately brought my awareness of how ignorant i was thinking without testing or severely trusting my source how damaging ingesting unknown chemicals can be to my body thinking i was prone to injury.
I just need some support im 5 weeks alcohol free and 6 weeks weed free but i feel as if im severely/permanently damaged. now i know what ur gonna say "everyone says that, ur just seeing it darker than it is u will recover" but i feel as if my scenario is different. its not like i just had an overdose or excess amount of mdma/coke etc or went on a binge for years and feel a little brain fog and depressed but generally ok. i unknowingly and very stupidly ingested some type of research chemical/ bathroom chemicals god knows what that was sold to me as molly without testing it from a used to be friend of mine that convinced me it was good. turns out it was the opposite of that. it wasnt even enjoyable at all it just caused an altered state so i have no idea what it was. now im so scared because idk what it was/ in it and i know there are things out there 100x more nuerotoxic than the classic meth/coke/mdma and a lot more unforgiving in the recovery process and we dont know the type of damage these mystery chemicals do.
i go back and forth being optimistic then doubtful cuz i know the brain is remarkable in the ways it can recover and regenerate such as nueroregeneration and how addicts can save and recover their brain, but then i read how it really depends the severity of stress it was under/chemicals it was exposed to as some nuerotoxic damage is permanent and already done such as axons destroyed or nuerons killed or communication disrupted and the cns is unlikely to recover from that damage.
now i have the classic depersonalization/ derealization symptoms which honestly is the least of my worries considering its a common symptom that goes away and i can ignore it for the most part ( even though its extremely annoying and wish i could go back to normal and feel in the moment) twitches, fatigue etc. but my most worried symptoms is i literally have ZERO sensation upon orgasm and my adverse effects to marijuana. i know not smoking weed shouldnt be one of my top worries but i rolled/tripped for fun occasionally but weed is like my PASSION. my one and true love, its not like its just something to do when im bored or fun sometimes or just a phase like i planned a whole future with it, smoking with future gfs moving to cali like im an enthusiast. and now my other love (sex) is stripped away from me as well so i cant even enjoy the other pleasure of life. alcohol doesnt even make me feel good. i get drunk but dont feel good. And i am a very experienced smoker (5 times a week for years) its not like my adverse effect is im "trippin" or "too high" or get paranoid it LITERALLY doesnt induce a weed high. my eyes dilate, n i get a tingling wired opiate like feeling tht feels terrible n i pass out unconscious for like 5 seconds. idk if its a seretonin/ communication problem or damaged receptors or axons but its like anything tht releases dopamine and seretonin i cant feel.
its the craziest thing ive never xp b4 in my life. so my two loves sex and weed have been taken from me, and if its permanent im looking at a long life of missery and depression thinking i ruined my life over ONE night of bad drugs. it just blows my mind meth users go on binges for years and i take one bad drug and get fucked like this. i just want my life back and will do anything, ive already learned my lesson the hard away and just hope to god its not forever, im a good person and got fucked over for a couple bucks. if u do reply plz check back again cuz i WILL reply back and love to discuss it further.
if ANYONE could reach out, reply even pm me it would mean the world. thanks, god bless and be safe.