Phenibut Withdrawl - Part 3

By garshara · Sep 23, 2014 · ·
  1. This is day 2 of having no phenibut in me. I hear that it takes up to 3 days for the severity of withdrawal to even kick in, so that fact is adding some anxiety on top of the one I already have. I was able to ask a friend to buy me some chamomile tea, and I think it works as a placebo - something warm in my knotted stomach.

    I have a very low threshold for pain or anxiety and so I am in a super bad place right now. Just feeling dark and dirty and alone, kind of like I'm guilty and I've done something bad I deserve to feel this way. I recognize this anxiety from a benzo withdrawal I had several years ago, and I keep trying to tell myself that it is an illusion. Only my chemicals have gone high wire and nothing is wrong with my world and I will come back to the surface if I can just hang in there.

    I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to get 2 teeth extracted, they'll be using nitrus. I wonder if they will prescribe me pain killers, or if the nitrus will help somehow? Or if it is dangerous to be having either of those medications while I'm withdrawaling off phenibut?

    Has anyone ever heard of the powder called Inositol? I am trying to get a hold of it and I wonder if it would be useful in Phenibut withdrawal.

    garshara added 413 Minutes and 15 Seconds later...

    For an hour or so, I will feel okay - depressed and pondering thoughts of suicide idly - but then a jitteryness will hit me, and it feels like there is a tightness in my chest and along with restlessness... this is the real pain of the withdrawal. Sometimes, too, it is just knowing that I am alone, that I have no one to talk to. I think about stepping outside my door and just RUNNING and just blowing my mind with adrenaline (because why the heck not?) but I see cars and people through my blinds, and the thought of being 'out there' alive makes me feel like a criminal.

    Drug user. Abuser. He's getting what he deserves.

    And if anyone should approach me, I know I would have wavering eye contact and have moments of caught breath and nervous facial twitching.

    All of these fears, fears, fears. I wonder how much of it is in my head, and how much of it is biological - is phenibut? I want to know that it is all in my head, because if I knew that were true, if I knew this were all an illusion, I could fight it so much easier. It is the doubt that is killing me the most while I pace my apartment, remarking at the time, that it has only been 10 hours since I rose out of bed unrested and broken hearted.

    I long to sit on someone's living room floor while they go about their activities and just be there with them, out of the way, safe. Still jittery and sad, but not alone. I think that my withdrawal is very mild, and then I think "this is only day 2, doesn't it get worse?" And I don't have the heart to research into it. The uncertainty gnaws at me, and it also keeps a darker fear at bay.

    Somehow typing or involving myself in an activity like this lessens the anxiety, so I am going to believe from now on that my withdrawal is a mild anxiety accompanied with dysphoria, and the uncertainty of my future is the real driving force behind my panic attack, and that means that I can fight it. It means that I should do the scariest thing and put on my shoes and shorts and a sweater and go briskly walking for miles and miles and listen to nothing but the trees, and the birds, and let the panic catch me if it can.

    garshara added 83 Minutes and 25 Seconds later...

    I just got back from doing that. You said to journal all I want, and so here I am. I walked about a mile in total I think. Walking is my passion and that is how I naturally alleviate anxiety at night. I just got out of a hot bath and had a cup of chamomile. I recognize that my anxiety is stemming from this TIGHTNESS in my abdomen, I am clenching it. Weirdly, knowing the source of the pain comforts me, because it means I am doing something to keep that stomach clenched. I think deep breathing is what I need.

    I feel hope. And even if it gets worse, I have always been a kind of loner who has fought these mental battles, and I feel this sort of fighters pride welling up in me - like what is phenibut withdrawal compared to major depression, or the loss of my father, or daily pain of agoraphobia? I have fought, and will fight, bigger demons and I won't let withdrawal suck me into a black hole. I will go lie down and breathe slowly and widely.

Comments

  1. chupamivergaguey
    Comorbidity's a bitch, and you're in a pickle. I identify with your statement about not knowing how withdrawal is going to go -- that type of thing can be particularly anxiety producing. I recently was in the same state of mind for and RC I had been taking daily for about 5 months. Not knowing what's going to happen and trying to predict it based on pre-existing conditions and reports from other people is, I found, just a rabbit hole.

    Ianzombie suggested getting a doctor in on it, and in my unprofessional opinion, I concur. But when you're as fucked up as your posts suggest, doctors are out of the question and a quick route to bankruptcy, shame, and worse. If you won't go to a doctor as you go through this, get someone else. Anyone. Any warm body can be helpful. there are tons at AA and NA meetings. You can find them in bus stations, airports, psychology departments at universities -- anywhere. But I'm guessing you may be in a state where your social skills are diminished, so your best bet (besides a doctor) may be a 12-step meeting of some sort.

    I wish you well and please keep us posted on how it goes. Having another person around with whom to share your situation can really stave off a lot of the mindfuck of a withdrawal.
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