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  1. I think im like 10 days into I dont know does time start over? I used again for a bit and stopped.. Like 10 days ago now.. Been still getting the 40 mil grams at MMT ... I feel bad about using again but my mental sickness loved it...having a more open relationship and trying to learn how to share my feelings about all this which has always been such a private thing... I didnt really talk to anyone about my herion addiction and usage... I didnt let people see me doing... Its not really a social drug IMO. ...but having my boyfriend around who is just way supper supportive and understanding...makes the days easier... Making sure we do things stay active..eat healthy...im lucky hes a chef and an awesome one at that!.. But ....my fucked up head and stubborn ways...and from years of desensitizing myself making myself numb......is hurting him and myself...i know it wont always be like this...just want to pick right back up and brush myself off from my slip...and continue on go to work..stay active...be open and honest...with myself most importantly..I can do this..


  1. aemetha
    Your time doesn't start over. Your intention is to stay clean, and your intention began on the day you decided to stop and never became an intention to keep using. Behaviour follows intention. You count from the day you decided to stop and continues for as long as you didn't abandon that decision. A slip up is just a slip up, it's not an ending.
  2. Blue Palm
  3. Blue Palm
  4. Somewhere in the middle
    Hi @Blue Palm

    This sounds exactly like me the last 7 months.

    All that really matters is that you are now... Opening up is an extremely difficult thing for people like us that are not used to sharing how we feel, we get so good at stuffing everything down inside of us that it becomes second nature, with or without drugs. I used to be so good at disguising how I felt, what I think, what I did... that for years I even had myself believing that I had no emotions. This is something that doesn't last though, and I don't know if it's a good thing or not but it's not a bottomless pit to hide from ourselves and others in. When it does get full, it's like an explosion of emotions that can lead back to using the drugs that made it so easy to numb and escape from things. This is when the support of others is imperative to our mental well being. It's not easy, and "slips" and setbacks often do occur, it is very important that you surround yourself with people who will not judge you, who will help you up and start brushing the dirt off even if you can't yourself. You might want to fight it, to think you are unworthy of such kindness and compassion, but you are worth it. And surrendering to this notion is what will get you through, let go of guilt it is our worst weapon and it doesn't matter how much or how long you have slipped, or how much time you have clean. What matters is to keep moving forward even when you feel like you can't go any further. You can, and you will.

    Wishing you well.

      perro-salchicha614 likes this.
    1. Blue Palm
      Thank you..means so much what you guys girls write back to me.
  5. phil9262
    @Blue Palm

    It's funny, I was just thinking how people in recover are so programmed to worry about time. I too used to wonder because I relapsed if I have to start my "clean" date over. I can't even tell you now how much time clean I have. I'm not counting because to me it doesn't matter. What matters is my happiness and counting days isn't what makes me happy. Knowing that I'm not robbing, lying, cheating or dying is good enough for me. You are clean however long you think your clean. Don't worry about how others view your sobriety. What truly matters is how you view it. As @aemetha said, your intention is to stay clean, not to use.
  6. Blue Palm
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