For the past 2 years I've been struggling with subutex. I found out 6 months ago I was pregnant and under close supervision of my OB I decided I wanted to kick them once and for all before my baby is born. I'm not comfortable with the idea of delivering the baby and risking him withdrawl and I myself don't want to withdrawl when having a newborn baby to care for. I slowly weaned off an 8mg dose and jumped at 2mg. The first day without wasn't that bad. I started to feel some anxiety and only slept 2 hours but it was manageable. Day 2 was full of mood swings , more heighened anxiety, stomach cramps, and intense insomnia. I lasted till day 3 and decided to call my doctor. I didn't have much hope and wasn't sure what he could or would be willing to do to help me. Turns out he couldn't see me that day but would see me first thing the next morning. I kept telling myself it would be okay if I could make it one more day but was feeling imense anxiety about the appointment and un sure of what he could do to help me. Day 4 I stumbled into his office looking a hot mess and almost to tears. He asked me if I was willing to take a drug test and with nothing to hide I obliged him. To my suprise he was very compassionate and wanted to help make me comfortable the best he could. He told me he could tell I was really determined to get off the subutex and better myself. He monitored the baby and there were no signs of distress. My blood pressure was a little high and I was shaking from trying to contain RLS. He told me he was going to prescribe me Clonidine and Ativan. He went over the risks of the Ativan and warned there may be small risk to the baby but he felt like the benefit outweighed the risk and I agreed. I was so relieved he was willing to help n get through this. I made my way to the pharmacy and was asked by the pharmacist if I was pregnant. I answered the question and at REFUSED to give me my meds without speaking to my doctor directly to make sure he knew I was pregnant and agreed to give me the med. Feeling the rejection and the full force of withdrawl I broke down and yelled at her and said obviously he knows I'm pregnant has an OBGYN and he sent the script electronically. His office closed early since it's Friday and now I have to suffer the weekend until Monday. I'm trying to stay positive and think of all the times I had to get through withdrawl without help but I'm struggling not to break down and take the rest of my Subutex which I know would be a setback because you arent supposed to mix Benzos and Subutex and my doctor trusted me enough to prescribe it to me in the first place. I'm really struggling to keep doing the right thing I know is best for my baby but that stupid Subutex is calling my name. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?
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