Hi everyone, just updating my journal [for my own reference more that anything]
Went to clinic tues and gave my first ever clean opiate test in over 20 years :applause: Felt right proud of myself!
Will be attending again next tues for another and I know that will be clean also.
The following tues I get to see the big chief doctor who I hope will give me a pat on the back but she could just as easily stick the knife in, because she's such a Jeckyll and Hydde character and you never know what sort of response you'll get from her.
Hopefully she will allow me to keep my 100mg methadone take home prescription but I can't see her prescribing me anymore diazepam though. They have been such a great help in times of stress and wanting to use and I will tell her just helpful they have been, but I bet she won't prescribe anymore. If not, then I'll just have to go looking elsewhere, shouldn't be too difficult to find some around here.
And finally some news on the new key worker front. Since my fantastic counsellor Angie, who had a stroke and left work in may, I've only been seen twice and both times by this drippy girl who was of no use to me whatsoever, in fact I think I intimidated her a bit!!
Anyway, got a new key worker lined up for the new year but haven't met her yet. All I know his her name is Alison, she's more my age and a lot more experienced in this line of work. Looking forward to meeting her and hopefully getting on with her so I've got someone to talk too again.
I'm finding its getting easier now, just to be on methadone with no heroin use on top. My physical strength is slowly coming back, I don't feel as weak as a kitten all day now and I've stopped crying virtually everyday at some point! Must mean my emotions are levelling out as my brain gets used to life with out heroin, yet I've still got a ton of opiates up there so don't really understand why I feel so much better now. Its just clean , legal opiates instead of dirty, illegal street gear.
The other half is still using, though he has cut down now he hasn't got me to sit and smoke with. He's proud of what I have achieved but his self esteem is so low he feels he hasn't got the strength to do the same and wallows in his misery all day instead, moaning about everything but not doing anything about it. He drives me so mad sometimes
Anyway, thanks for all your replies, take care and be lucky, Sue xx