Big thanks for the support you two, feeling more angry now than upset. Its NHS cuts that have led to our new service not having enough staff to effectively treat just too many clients. They are always making mistakes with our prescriptions or appointment dates, they just cannot cope. I'm half expecting a letter saying sorry, we gave you the wrong persons results, its totally possible with this lot!
I had taken opiate based anti diarrhea tablets 3 days running, but that was way before my first test. I took the box along to show them anyway and he wrote it up on the sealed packet they put my mouth swab into but the doctor said my test showed up positive for heroin, not any other type of opiate.
This next time I'm doing mouth swab and urine to try and prove my innocence, that's what it feels like, standing accused of lying!
I have no reason to lie to you on here, I feel great now. The methadone is holding me just fine and I have not had a craving that I couldn't handle for weeks now [nothing since the disasterous joint experiment]
I've got a few 10mg diazepam put away in case of extreme stress but I don't want a benzo habit to deal with as well. I feel human again now, strong inside and my health is slowly improving. Still need to lose a bit of wight and cut down on the tobacco, but that will come with time.
I asked the doctor when I would be meeting my new counsellor and she didn't even know who Ali was, let alone when I would get to talk with her. See what I mean about being unorganized?
At least I'm getting plenty of time downstairs in peace to concentrate on my painting, while the other half lays upstairs in his smog filled bedroom all day. He still refuses to quit the heroin and join me, I can't make him do it, it will only happen when he is ready and he is as sick of the shit as I was.
I can see us drifting apart if he doesn't, I'm slowly feeling better about myself and want to start going out more. I've had my hair cut and coloured to hide the emerging greys, sometimes I put on a bit of make up. Perhaps I might join that art club I looked into last New Year but didn't have the confidence to go to because I was a junkie and feared everyone would be looking down on me.
I am moving on with my life, I dont want to be a 45 year old heroin addict for God's sake. What happens if grandchildren come along in the future, no decent parent would let a smackhead hold their precious newborn or babysit their toddler
The other half is gonna be left behind if he doesn't change soon, not that I want to throw 13 years of my life away but only time will tell.
Anyway, thanks for listening to all my ups and downs and hope to hear from you all again soon,
love Sue x