Quick update/moment of clarity

By BirdJungle · Apr 5, 2019 · ·
  1. I visited a friend who had a baby nine weeks ago. We walked around the park near her house with the baby and sat on her porch and talked a bit. When I left I realized how crazy it is that I want to continue taking heroin. I also realized that with the buprenorphine the tides turn such that impulsive acts of insanity to do opiates will be thwarted, but impulsive moments of clarity will compel me to take the pill and prevent relapse later. As frustrating as it can be, I guess that’s why buprenorphine and its long half life works.

    About Author

    I'm an IT professional with a "normal" life aside from occasional drug use. I'm married to a wonderful husband. We don't have children; we're happy with our pets. My intention is to quit opiates, not to become substance free.

    My user name has no meaning. There's a bird garland on my bookshelf dangling over the book The Jungle.


  1. jazzyj9
    That’s great. I’m hoping that you can let go of the Heroin. There are also legal considerations as well.
      David your friend and PastorFuzz like this.
  2. youngmane
    I just relapsed no longer than two hours ago and I regret doing it. I hope you do not go down the path I currently am going down. It is just so hard no matter what I do I just go back. The cravings just eat me alive until I fall in. Buprenorphine, benzos, cannabis, and nicotine helps slightly, but I just cannot kick it. I'm glad you feel like you don't need heroin.
      David your friend likes this.
    1. BirdJungle
      I think I’m in the same waivering situation as you. The above was a momentary realization but I’m sure you know how quickly thought processes can change. I didn’t take my medication this morning and decided to wait until next week. Definitely committed to not ordering more heroin once what I have runs out. And I don’t want to screw up the opportunity that I have with the doctor who gave me the buprenorphine because I know I’ll need it even though I really dislike it.
      David your friend likes this.
    2. BirdJungle
      Just read your posts on the thread with BBW. Seems like you were really committed to overriding the buprenorphine! I just didn’t take it this morning because I wasn’t really ready anyway. I had to take it on Wednesday because my shipment didn’t arrive when expected. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Maybe you can get back on the trajectory you want tomorrow and feel better about leaving the heroin and fentanyl alone.
  3. Hopeless78
    @BirdJungle lapses and relapses are part of recovery. It took me a long time to get to where I am currently, and I’m still in very early stages of recovery, but I’ve been where you’ve been, not being completely ready to be done. As long as you get there eventually, just be careful with using heroin - I’m glad you’re still trying. When you’re ready, we’ll all be here for support. Good luck
  4. David your friend
    @BirdJungle - What you are doing for yourself is wonderful. As time goes by and the cravings fade, you will become increasingly more proud of these decisions you made.

    Buprenorphine is a fantastic choice. Do not forget that if you take your dose of buprenorphine before you've begun to withdraw from any opiates in your system, then you will go through precipitated withdrawals. For me, knowing this helped me to avoid heroin (and all other opiates) while I was taking buprenorphine.

    I hope everything goes well for you!
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