quitting opiates cold turkey- on day 3 - Part 30

By smith9666 · Dec 1, 2014 · ·
  1. LG,

    The ear issue can be annoying LOL. Zrytec has definately helped and I will probably do some research to see if it has any long term effects. If it doesn't then I may consider staying on it. It has done wonders for me and I'm going on 4 years without being sick. May be coincidence but I'm not complaining. ;)

    I'm doing fine right now. The itching has stopped and so had the headache so I'm doing pretty good. Plus I have the next 3 days off of work. I have 10 personal days I need to use up before the end of January so I figured I would try to get some in now.

    smith9666 added 277 Minutes and 5 Seconds later...

    End of day 23...

    Funny how it feels so much longer then 23 days... In a good way though.

    Today went well... After I took a Zrytec again. Seriously didn't know that you can have issues stopping something as simple as that. Learning something new everyday. WD sympyoms wise, I'm doing fine. Tired here and there but that's okay. Its not more then I can handle.

    I slept very well last night. Did the yoga :) I'm not sure if that helped or if I just thought it helped but I actually slept right through my alarm at 5am and didnt wake up until 9am! I fell asleep at 1230 I believe so that was over 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Nobody tried calling me from work and when I asked why my boss said that he figured I had a good reason for being late and he wasn't calling me after working 13 days straight. What a nice guy lol best part was I still got to leave on time to start my 3 days off early!

    I have been doing some thinking because I have my appointment with my therapist tomorrow. Its been a little while since I went.. Probably 4 weeks or so. He knows about me planning on stopping the pills but we haven't talked since then. I'm sure the topic of discusion will be the reason behind abusing them in the first place.

    Its not as if we haven't already talked about it. That's actually the reason I started seeing him in the first place but I don't think I have ever acknowledged it. Its not something I talk to many people about and when its brought up at work I always steer clear of the conversation to the point that people know just not to talk about it. I think it may be good to start talking about it because there is really no reason why I shouldn't.

    So here goes..... I work in retail (if I haven't already said that). I was working an early shift one day this past January. This is a pretty large grocery chain so part of my job is to verify the deposit with the store director each day. He came up and we went to walk back to the cash office to get it done before the "money guy" came to pick up as we call him. He was ahead of me and I was about to go into the room when a guy came behind me and pushed me inside with a gun to my back. Didn't even see it coming and I was surprisingly calm. He demanded that we open the safe and thankfully the bookkeeper had just left for the day so it was just me and my boss there. The money was on the bottom safe that takes 3 steps to open so I opened it after a minute or so. Its time delayed by 2 minutes which really makes me wonder why now!! LOL. Anyways, unknown to us, a customer had seen what had happened and called the police and told other employees. So the police were already in the store when I got the safe opened which really wasn't that long. He told my boss to lay face down and the thing that went through my head was that he's going to shoot him. He hesitated but we are trained to listen to every demand made during a robbery and I think that he was more trying to protect me. I was closest to the guy and he didn't want to piss him off so he did it. Then he looked at me and told me to do the same. I didn't freeze but I just looked at him and shook my head. I honestly thought that he was going to shoot us. That's what happens anytime they make you do that on TV right? I just couldn't do it but either way he looked at the door and just walked out. The door has a key pad and is very heavy so as soon as he was out I kicked it shut. Its a very small office and had a screen with a video that shows the outside hallways. We both could witness what happened next which was a lot of cops with guns pointed and yelling for him to get down and drop the gun. He didn't and he aimed it at them and they shot him. Just like that. All happened within 10 minutes from start to finish I would say. His life for the 110k that was in the deposit. it all seems so meaningless to me.

    A couple hours later all the statements were taken and after being asked a million times how I was I left for the day. Went home, ate lunch and watched a movie. I was fine.. Didn't even discuss it with friends that kept blowing up my phone. Most of my friends I met at work and even though most work at different stores from being moved around over the years, word travels fast. So I shut off my phone and was fine. As if I blocked it all out. Got up the next day and went to work. Unknown to me because I shut off my phone, my boss was told to take the week off and they put a temporary store director there for the remainder of the week. I refused to take time off because as I told them.. I was fine. Didn't need anyone's help or to talk to anyone. So they completed the usual incident report that has to be done for EVERY incident all the ways down to papercuts. Then after again reassuring my district manager who completed it that I was fine I finished my shift. It took about a week for me to realized what had happened fully. I'm not sure why but it just did. What gets me the most is that it wasn't even the fact that this guy had came in there and did that or that he had a gun and could have easily killed us. I was just overwhelmed with sadness for his family. Yeah, crazy... I know. He wasn't very much older then me and all I could think about was what was his story. What pushed him to do it and why didn't he just put down the gun when he was told to? Did he have kids? Brothers, sisters? It was just too much that I refused to even watch anything on the news about it. Didnt want to return the invistagators phone calls for follow up interviews. I was constantly anxious at work for the first few months. Not necessarily afraid but just nervous i guess you could say. I had trouble sleeping because i would have dreams about the incident constantly that seemed so real. The one smart thing I did do was take my company up on their offer to see a therapist that they set up for me. I went twice a month for the first 6 months and have cut back recently.

    So I ask myself if this is the reason I started over medicating. This happened in January and the end of February is when my dosage was upped and I started taking more. The reasons I thought I needed to take more were that it just wasn't working as well and I couldn't sleep at night. So of course my regular doctor said my tolerance is growing and I'm having too much pain to sleep. He has no idea what had happened but looking back on it I do not think I was in more pain. I think I just didn't want to have to feel the emotional pain I was in. So maybe this is the reason or its just an excuse. I'm not entirely sure which word it fits better under but that is just the reality of it.

    Its been nearly a year and a lot of those issues I feel I am over. I don't get nervous when a customer walks up that looks like him or is acting suspicious. I am extemely aware of my surroundings now which I think is a plus. I used to be focused on what I was doing and wasn't always aware of what was going on around me. Sleeping wise, I hardly ever have nightmares about it. I think talking to my therapist has worked well for me and I will probably continue going for a while. I think its a good thing to be able to have someone to discuss thIngs with and well, its free LOL.

    I think that's plenty on that subject. ;)

Comments

  1. lostlygirl
    OMG, that is horrible. I was sweating and my heart was pounding just reading your post. What a horrifically scary event. Not only could you have easily died, you saw a man shot to death.

    I can't imagine what was going through your head when he put the gun to your back. What were you thinking? Did it seem like it was happening in slow motion? You thought you were going to see your boss shot to death, followed by you, and then you saw a man die over nothing. No wonder you had trouble sleeping, no wonder you used extra pills. That's some seriously scary stuff. Wow.

    There is a lot of current research that shows that the area of the brain that process both emotional and physical pain are in the exact same location, and so it is very possible that your pain medication was helping you deal with the trauma of that day. I don't think it's a coincidence that you began to physically hurt more afterwards. I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have a mild case of PTSD.

    I always wondered what the point of a time delayed safe was as well. It seems to me that it would just put lives in danger. Its also interesting that you wondered about the guy that robbed you. I would have wondered the exact same thing. Did you find out anything about him, why he so desperately needed/wanted the money, or if he had family?

    Wow, you have been through a lot. It sounds as if you have handled the situation very well. You are a very strong and capable woman. You didn't panic, you reacted calmly, you stood your ground. You almost didn't make it home that day. It just goes to show life can change on a dime.

    Wow, my friend, that's an intense story. (Sorry about the many questions, but that's some intense shit you went through). Do you feel like you have fully processed it?

    You also have a very kind boss to let you sleep in and not call you. :) (Is he the same boss?)
    Love & Hugs xxoo
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