JD & LG,
thanks for reading my extremely long reply from last night LOL.
I don't think I have dealt with how I feel yet. I do need to stop and put some thought into this over the next couple months. As far as PTSD goes, I'm not sure if I have that. Of course it was diagnosed but I kind of feel my symptoms are completely normal considering the circumstances. The only thing that isn't so normal about it is that I'm not really emotional about it and never have been. Prior to this incident I was very social as far as friends go. Almost instantly i no longer wanted to be around people. I secluded myself from most of my friends and I just enjoy being by myself. Still do but I'm not so sure its something that I can change or want to change if that makes sense. Its almost as of my personality has changed completely. Things I used to enjoy I no longer do. It does feel like it was yesterday as far as my memory goes. I recall what I was wearing, who was working that day and even small things like the weather. My memory sucks so I find that interesting.
Okay so how it made me feel.... I'm not sure angry is the right word for it but that's the closest one I can come up with. I was a little angry that someone who is at work, minding their own business can easily become a victim without doing anything wrong. I think I just kind of stayed mad and at no point did I cry about it. Its been almost 11 months so i doubt I will.
I also question whether or not I did anything wrong. We all think we know how we will deal with it if something like this every happens to us but what we think and what really happens are completely different. They use part of the video in a training video for managers and at first I was not okay with it. I think I just felt that I would be judged or criticized for my part in it or looked down on for my actions. Obviously this was just my fears and nobody was judging me.
I'm not really sure what to do from here. I feel like I have taken the right steps as far as seeking professional help. I have faith in my therapist and I think he has gained my trust. He shared some of his history with me ... Probably to gain my trust seeing how I don't talk to a lot of people about this. He did 3 tours in iraq and was discharged after an injury. PTSD is obviously something he has dealt with to a much bigger spectum then I have but it was nice to be able to talk to someone who understood the nightmares and how they aren't just typical "bad dreams".
Today went well. No WD symptoms but I think I'm still feeling icky from stopping the Zrytec. I have gone back on it but I just feel " sick" overall. Not too bad but I slept most of the day which was kind of nice but I'm still tired. I hope I'm not up all night due to sleeping so much today. LOL.