Quitting oxycodone using suboxone taper. - Part 35

By Hydroxyout · Nov 11, 2014 · ·
  1. So cravings are getting worse. I really don't want to get kratom but have been thinking about it because I almost don't trust myself and think one of these day I'll break. I absolutely hate that feeling. I hate that I crave pills more often now. Even though I stay occupied for pretty much the entire day, I still have this voice that seems to be getting louder.

    My spirits are high and I'm feeling good. The only problem is this bitch that keeps fucking with me.

    Love

    Hyrdroxy

Comments

  1. Jungledog
    Hydroxyout,

    I think of cravings as ocean waves. They come at you. Some are really big and strong. Others soft and gentle but either way they pull you where you don't want to go. So when you are stuck in a wave, simply ride it. Sounds stupid but that is the way. Just feel it for what it is but know it is JUST A THOUGHT. Ride the thought to where it would take you...back to where you don't fucking want to be. Using just isn't an option....ever. So let the hag come but slap the fucking bitch...really hard.

    Kratom is an option but I honestly don't recommend it. It's just another drug. BUT if you are going to ride the wave where you don't want to go, kratom is the better option.

    I personally think you are strong enough to just keep kicking, slapping, punching, and flipping off the hag.

    Love to you,
    JD
  2. Hydroxyout
    Thanks JD. That helped.

    I honestly know that kratom is a bad idea that's why I still haven't ordered any. Today's just been one of those nonstop craving days. In that sense it sucked major peepee. I'm just throwing punches at the hag and putting her in a chokehold and watching her pass out. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on.

    Big hugs.
  3. Jungledog
    Now that's my boy! Keep kicking ass. YOU ARE MAKING IT!!!

    Hugs,
    JD

    Jungledog added 1362 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...

    How are those cravings? Remember to just take it one day at a time. Don't think long term...just think your way through right now. Ride the wave to the beach...not out to sea. :)

    Love ya,
    JD
  4. JonBenetMom
    Hey all. I just caught up on Hydroxyout's whole story. Holy moly I can't imagine 3 babies in one house. I simply cannot. Actually its not the baby stage that is the worst- its when they WALK. Oh boy- thank GAWD you ar getting yourself in order Hydroxyout! Im just like you- my husband has zero idea that Ive had a tramadol addiction for the last few years. Im down to just one pill a day. I also have the problem you have- which is craving a high or an escape or mood change. Im using kratom and I am grateful for it BUT I made the choice to "switch addictions " because I was getting tramadols through online pharmacies which recently became illegal. I have a son (with special needs) and I just couldn't do anything illegal. Those consequences are way too much to even imagine. If you really do think that you are likely to "relapse" because of massive cravings - maybe you should keep some kratom on hand. Only you know whats best for you - so I just wanted to mention because you'd said earlier that you'd had clean time before off the oxy's. You dont want to lose yourself down that rabbit hole again! Anyways- remarkable work in getting totally clean! Your story is very inspiring and I can't imagine all that you've gone though with THREE little humans in your house. Taking care of yourself and your health is the number one BEST thing you can do as a parent and you are totally rocking it! Now all we need is to follow Jungledogs book of vegan living and we can reach Nirvana!!

    Thanks for sharing so much of your life and your story with me and all of us. Your honesty (especially about how awful it feels to live with the secrets that we do) has helped me tremendously. THANK YOU.
  5. lostlygirl
    Hi Hydroxyout. I'm hoping that wherever you are you are warm because it's a cold mf out there today.

    I also thought of going the Kratom route but am afraid I will just abuse it. Opiates are just so sticky.

    I am glad you are holding in there. Its just a matter of getting to that place of a new normal.

    JD is right about the girls. Boys are much easier, even though they do really stupid shit. My 17 yr old son told me whilst driving that 'stop signs were optional' and proceeded through one, howbeit slowly (WTF????), and my 13 yr old boy wanted to know what would happen if he put batteries in the microwave (yeah.. nothing good)!! Anyway, you're in for some fun and will have a good many stories to share around the thanksgiving dinner table over the years.

    Hang in there on the cravings. I'm having a tough day that way myself. I just have to train my brain to think differently, which is not an easy thing to do.

    You really are an inspiration to me. I think if you can do it with 3 little one year olds, then I can do it too. Oh, I looked up and listened to the song you posted on JD's journal. It's very intense. I then read up about them. I think there's a German band that sounds pretty similar and I would tell you names but my brain is in withdrawal mush mode. That's also why my post is a bit disjointed and sounds like a 5 year old wrote it. Aahhh... The fun of withdrawals never ends :).
  6. Jungledog
    Hydroxyout,

    Well dude, how's it going?? Craving control in order? Surfing those waves well my friend? You KNOW I am always thinking of you and wishing those things away.

    JBM,
    Almost pissed myself with the Nirvana comment! OMG my life, especially currently, is anything but Nirvana!!! But yes, I think eating whole foods (and clean animal products) is important to health. And a reminder to you that I fully believe you can come off both kratom and Tramadol...just taper slowly. You do NOT have to nose dive the way I am...just take your time and work down...NEVER up.

    Lostlygirl,
    The battery comment almost resulted in me needing to be resuscitated...I was swallowing and laughed at the same time...ended up freaking choking on my double stuffed potato (steam broccoli & spinach, roast garlic, bake potatoes & gut them to the skins, blend together the green mix with the potatoes until smooth, pipe back into the skins, bake again with parmesan cheese on top! yum! My hubby made them!) I left you some love on your thread. Ride the cravings like waves and think about where they are taking you...distract yourself until they pass...most last less then 30 minutes.

    Hugs,
    JD
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