Hey everyone. I'm sorry i haven't checked in. With deep sadness and regret I have to say I relapsed on the 19th. Binged for 4 days and now I'm back to day 1.
I feel like I let all of my readers and supporters down. I'm really sorry.
The night of the 18th one of my boys had a fever and when I changed him I noticed his testicles were red and swollen. So we rushed him to urgent care where the pediatrician said this looks like a hernia and has to be operated on immediately. So we went to the er where they did a whole bunch of tests and by that time his poor testicles were like four times the normal size and swollen. He was in pain. After many hours and countless tests they figured it was a rare infection called epididymitis. He had to be admitted and I stayed with him for two nights in the hospital while my wife was home with the other two.
Seeing him in that condition and suffering just made me want to numb myself and this time I couldn't stop it. It's the same excuse I used to use in the past. Something bad happens, get drugs.
I feel so weak to just give in like that and I feel I have betrayed all of you.
He's home now and it's back to day 1 for my recovery.
I'll keep the journal going because this is far from over.
I'm sorry and hope you're all doing good.