Quitting oxycodone using suboxone taper. - Part 43

By Hydroxyout · Dec 10, 2014 · ·
  1. So it's finally happened. My wife found out about the suboxone and not from me. She asked me about it and I told her how long I have been on opiates and how long I was on suboxone. She's understandably upset and wants nothing to do with me. My life crumbles right as it starts looking up. I cried and I'm fighting to hold back the tears. I'll write a bit more details about this in a bit.

    The way she found out is because my pharmacy FUCKED UP and processed my last suboxone refill through insurance although I made it clear many times NOT to send it to insurance. I paid for all the other ones out of pocket and didn't want insurance involved. Now I'm pissed off at the pharmacy. I feel like they FUCKED ME. Not only is my relationship with my wife in the gutter but now insurance knows about suboxone (although they never paid for it. The pharmacy sent the request but I told them I'd pay for it out of pocket but by then it was too late). So insurance sent a letter to our house saying they agree to cover it.

    FUCK! I just want the pharmacy to pay for this shit. This fucking mess I'm in now because they FUCKED UP! I feel like screaming.


  1. Jungledog

    I know you are angry but the reality is the pharmacy fucking up isn't the issue. The issue is you chose to withhold your drug addiction from your spouse and she feels betrayed. This is not unlike "cheating" in a sense. She probably wonders why you felt you could not share it with her, why you hid it, and if there are other things you are hiding as well. Please understand that I am NOT trying to make you feel worse but I want you to be honest with yourself and think a bit on a few things.

    Why did you not tell her? I mean, really why? Yes, you were afraid she would be angry but my guess is the real reason is deeper than that. What was the real underlying reason for your drug use in the first place? Did it relate to your marriage on any level? For example, my overuse was from medicating my marriage issues. I initially hid my drug issues from my husband because I didn't want to admit to myself that our marriage issues were getting BAD and that I used oxycodone to numb my emotions as well as my chronic pain.

    I think you need to come clean with her. Open up and tell her the WHOLE story. Tell her why you used and why you really hid it. Tell her you will go to a marriage counselor. Show her this forum. Show her our earlier posts (where I told you to tell her and you explained that you were afraid to hurt her and lose her) and involve her now!!! You need to rebuild the trust between you and that will come ONLY from coming completely clean.

    I am here for you my friend. Please know I mean no judgment in this post...just offering up my thoughts. You know I care about you and those boys. Right now you need to do what is best for them...and that may mean swallowing your pride and your anger and just laying it all out for her to see and understand.
  2. Jungledog

    Thinking of you my friend and wishing you comfort. I hope my response did not hurt you. I care about you and I meant you no disrespect. I simply wanted to share what I thought might be your wife's point of view (with me being a woman and all I thought this might help you see her perspective).

    Women want the love, support, and devotion of their men. We fear the loss of our men deeply and this fear can make us irrational. She might see your use of drugs and your hiding of the use from her as a few things...1) that you don't trust her enough to share your challenge with the drug 2)t hat you put the opiates before her and the boys and 3) she might be fearful that you are hiding other things from her.

    Please understand that I am just sharing MY thoughts and I could be completely off base. My husband denied that he had mental health issues. He hid them from me. He also as a result of his mental health issues developed a problem with overspending. He hid this money issue from me and it has RUINED our credit. It also destroyed the trust between us. I forgave him and then he turned around and fucking did it again. I eventually realized he had an addiction problem of sorts and we had to do some very specific repairs to the money issues in our lives. I will be honest and say I still do NOT trust the money choices he makes and I check things very, very carefully.

    I am sharing this with you to help you. What my husband did to me with the money hurt me, IT HURT ME DEEPLY. But I was able to forgive him and was willingly to move forward when he came clean and took responsibility for his choices. Let her know that you love her, that you really fucked up and that you are willing to do what it takes to restore that trust. Just know that for women...being able to trust your man is huge. Love her and be true. Her initial response came from fear and anger. With time and reflection, she will probably be willing to work on things.

    I care about you and I hope this is helpful and not hurtful to you. Wish you peace.
  3. Kitts
    Hi Hydroxyout,

    I'm really sorry that things have taken such a bad turn for you. Please don't let what is going on right now distract you from your goal of staying off. Now more than ever you need to stick to your original intentions.

    JD has made some excellent points in her posts above, perhaps you and your wife could find a new level of intimacy now that this has come to light. Of course she is going to be angry at first, but if you can weather this storm, it could be the greatest support to have your wife behind you.

    You have come an extremely long way since your first posts on this thread. You have achieved so much despite the ups and downs. Please know that we are all here to support you through this and you WILL get through this.

    Wishing you the very best, Kitts.
  4. lostlygirl

    I am so sorry to hear this. I know how you feel. Sad and lonely, desperate, hurt, misunderstood, and just wanting to fix this. JD & Kitts have offered some excellent advice.

    I wanted to chime in and let you know that for me at least, and for a lot of women it boils down to trust, as JD mentioned. Drug abuse and the issues surrounding it are very much misunderstood and stereotyped by society making the stigma surrounding it difficult to overcome. We hide behind our addictions and cannot talk about them because they are so misunderstood.

    Helping your wife understand and confront some of the inaccurate stereotypes may be helpful. Drug addicts are looked down on in society. We are considered weak and lesser citizens, when in reality drug addiction crosses all socioeconomic classes and cannot be formulated into a stereotype.

    Right now it may be necessary to help your wife address some of the stereotypes she might be wrestling with, such as trusting you with your boys. In reality there are many, many addicts that are responsible, hold excellent, important jobs, and can be counted on day in and day out. They secretly fight the demons in hopes that they will overcome their addictions. You are one of these. You are a responsible man who has secretly been fighting his demons. Look at how far you have come. Look how much you have sacrificed for your family, they just haven't known about it. Now they know, and its your job to educate them on all you have done. And, my friend, you have done a lot. Remember, just because you overcame many of your demons secretly doesn't stop it from being true.

    During the tribunal council when my ex lost his job, while they addressed what he had done wrong, he failed to mention what he had done right. Show her what you have done right, the years of loyalty and your love and devotion to your family. Not only that, you recognized you had a problem and addressed that with no outside motivation. Hydroxy, it was all you, because you wanted more for yourself, and your family. That's huge!

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend. Please hang in there, address her concerns as openly and honestly as you can. Be a glass door. Now is not the time to hold anything back. Your wife needs to know honestly with what she is dealing with, so she can process it and move on. One of the very worst things you can do right now is hold anything back. Discovery after the fact will make matters infinity worse.

    Keep us updated. You are a good man, you can get through this, it may take some time, but you will get there.
  5. thebear
    I know you may not read this, but I'm going to post anyway. The day I quit for good, I read this post. I cried. The day I joined to write my own journal, was because the impact JD, LG, and Your journal had on me. It would mean the world if you give me a response, but either way I hope you are okay.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!