I laughed my fucking ass off as I read your unicorns and rainbows comment. And I am more than aware that my taper ends at the bottom of a cliff as this isn't my first detox rodeo! I know that all paths are paved with shit not gold. What I was trying to say is as I do my current taper path there are just many days when I wish I could swan dive to the bottom because I am just tired of the slow, painful hurt. As I have cannonballed to the bottom before I am quite aware that the bottom of that cliff is really just the beginning of the adventure and I am afraid I will fail in my climb back out.
I did not understand your Thanksgiving comment.???
Well, took a 2 hour nap. Made it 10 hours!!! Woo hoo!!! Just dosed and going to eat crap and watch football!
Jungledog added 34 Minutes and 24 Seconds later...
Come to Florida!!! God I love it here!
I just reread your post and you really nailed it. The fall and the climb back up are excruciatingly painful beyond words. I think the toughest part is the emotional struggle that plays out with the monsters in your head. The weird part is mentally I feel strong. I will do this.
What starts to wear at my emotional strength is the seemingly endless physical hurt. I do not feel well on kratom and I know I need to get off and start climbing up the hill! At this point I have been tapering for over 2 months. I would like to be done by the winter holidays. That will give me a total 3 month taper and should reduce my PAWS. I still think my greatest battle is healing my AI and its weird because since I gave notice I feel so much better. Even today I mentally talked myself through "you can do it...last weekend for 6 months." And I felt so good!
I could not do this battle without you all!!! Your support and love are integral to my success. Detox is a team sport and we are kicking ass!
Jungledog added 106 Minutes and 34 Seconds later...
Day 38 Nutrition and End of Day Wrap
Today I would like to talk about the benefits of eating avocados. The avocado is a fruit that is oddly low in net carbs, contains 2 gms of protein and 15 gms of healthy monounsaturated fat. Avocado oil is also quite resistant to oxidation at high temperatures so this is a good cooking oil (like coconut oil). A serving of this delicious fruit contains only 160 calories and more than 20 vitamins and minerals. Did you know that avocados contain more potassium than bananas?
So what can these fruit do for your health? These little guys are very high in fiber and contain a large amount of healthy fat. This helps you maintain your weight and improves your lipid panel (dropping the bad triglycerides & LDL and raising the good HDL). Fat helps the body absorb “fat-soluble” nutrient such as Vit K. So adding avocado to your salad, salsa, or smoothie will help your body take in the nutrients found in the other foods. They also are a plant source of Lutein which is a powerful antioxidant that protects our eyes from cataracts and macular degeneration which is epidemic in our society because of high animal intake. Avocados may also reduce cancer risks and reduce the pain of arthritis.
How do I fit them into my diet? ½ of an avocado goes in every one of my morning smoothies. (Yes, my smoothies contain a lot of fat…chia seeds, flax, and avocado). It makes the smoothie thick and rich and you don’t taste it. I often use avocado as my salad dressing by cutting it into chunks and then I cream it through my salad. And of course there is always guacamole!
Today was a very good kratom taper day. I was able to stretch my dose interval to 10 hours. That means I am now to twice daily dosing and this makes me very happy. I feel good. Tired but good. This means my current daily dose is 3.5 tsps!!! As long as no strong detox symptoms arrive, I plan to just keep going. I have had similar experiences before with kratom. I will be tapering and feel like total shit but then its like my body just suddenly adjusts and bigger cuts come easy. In the past, I have tapered all the way down to just 2 tsps daily and then stupidly refilled my oxycodone prescription. I know…incredibly stupid.
Off to do my yoga and take a nice bath. Didn’t eat so healthy today but hey every once in a while it is good to just have fun.