Day 42 Fuck this taper is long!
Slept well. No waking up but up early to get to practice. Tired...big surprise there, right?? Last night was pretty bad. I was pissed as I was informed there is no TA, no secretary, no nothing. So I meet my boss Tuesday and I plan to tell her to keep the promotion and give me another class to teach. There will be a lot of drama as there is nobody and no money right now. This is all coming at the worst fucking time. And yes going back to Wednesdays means nothing changes. I will still be juggling it all.
The clinical course contains all lectures on skin, head, ears, eyes, throat, cardiology, respiratory, endocrine, and many practice issues like billing, coding, diagnostic reasoning, ethics, malpractice, etc Super heavy, nightmare course. No lectures, no powerpoints, nothing prepared or I should say there is some stuff but it is poorly done. Last night I just lost it. There is no fucking way I can get all this shit done by Dec 25. Ugh.
Anyway, LG and Werecat, thank you for your support. Yes this journey is exhausting and there is no break. I live a high pressure life and it gets to me. Last night I just wished I could run away. I just need to push through to May. I knew this year would suck as I was handed all new courses. Next year, I will teach the same ones and everything will be prepped and ready to go. Impossible, high stress job.
Anyhow, I just took 1.5 tsp kratom. I will attempt to hold to this today. Wish me luck. I need those positive vibes sent my way today. Thanks.
Jungledog added 437 Minutes and 53 Seconds later...
Mid Day 42
Practice crazy busy again. But I did actually get to sit down and eat lunch like a human which was pretty exciting. Hospital feeds me for free and the food is good.
Taper going fine. Sticking to 3 doses of 1.5 tsp. feeling pretty damn good except for fatigue and making it 7 hours between doses. I hold here a few days then drop to 1.25 tsp.
Ok off to see patients. Keep kicking all. We win this war.
Jungledog added 328 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...
God today was truly awful. I mean I had super complicated sick patients. Had a young woman who had a history of a heart valve repair that now requires her to be on a powerful blood thinner called coumadin. Her chief complaint was fatigue and palpitations. She had dark skin but I noticed her eyes seemed really white. When I pulled down her lower lid to look at her conjuntiva (inside lower part of your lid that should be red or at least a bright pink), I knew the problem. Her's was white. I asked her if her periods have been heavy and she told me very, very heavy. Told her to make arrangements for the care of her 3 young children and I admitted her to the hospital where she was found to have a hemoglobin of 6. If that number had dropped any lower she could have had a heart attack at the tender age of 30 because when hemoglobin falls below this number there is not enough oxygen in the body to support the function of the heart and the muscle dies. This poor girl has recently been seen by her PCP three times and they missed this. It is scary how many people fail to do good physical exams.
The next patient had this weird pulse in her neck. I had no damn idea what it was but it looked funky. Went and found doctor to look at it. He was like "shit this looks an aneurysm where her carotid artery divides." If that ruptures she would be screwed so we admitted her too. And well the rest of the day went about the same way! Everybody had something seriously wrong. I personally saw 54 patients today. I am so fucking tired.
Detox wise I really am feeling ok. Just took my third dose so total 4.5 tsp. I will take more gabapentin tonight to get me through to tomorrow. This really is going OK. It is weird that suddenly the taper has eased up. I mean is it just that the oxy and loperamide are gone? Keep wondering what I will face once I jump. Withdrawal hell? Or just mild stuff? Hope for the latter.
Well, off now to get to more work.