Well, I woke briefly at 4:30 am with achy arms and said fuck it and rolled back over managing to sleep 2 more hours. By then my arms REALLY ached. Ugh. Just took my kratom dose. Holding at 1.5 tsp. I plan to drop Saturday to 1.25 tsp if I keep moving along well. Last night I managed 13 hours between doses. Sitting here waiting for the shit to kick in as I need to get to work for an early meeting.
Smith, I will have a week and then I will have a practice day. Actually thinking I will stop taking the kratom Christmas Eve. That way day one which usually isn't that bad will be xmas day. That gives me 8 days to get through the worst before I have to drag myself back. Really hopeful this taper will make it manageable. But waking up every morning with withdraw tells me it is going to suck anyhow. Oh well. It can't be as bad as cold turkey.
Werecat, Yes, we all have very good senses of humor. You have to or you would fucking lose it. I see people die every day and am responsible for making decisions that save or kill people. This weighs heavily on your mind. The woman I told you about with the severe anemia was critically ill and didn't even know it and her primary provider missed the obvious signs. Had I missed them too she very well could have bled out and died with her next period or had the heart attack I described yesterday. Anemia can kill you. I was really angry yesterday when I realized what was wrong with her. It shouldn't have been missed and was malpractice.
Off to check your threads. Have a great day kicking.
Jungledog added 32 Minutes and 27 Seconds later...
We were posting at the same time so I just saw your post. Yes, you are entitled to feel the way you do about your ex. That situation must be a fucking nightmare for you. Sorry you need to keep dealing with it.
The work thing in some ways helps. I am so busy I just keep moving. I notice that often my symptoms are the worst at the end of the day when I have less to do and then can concentrate on me. I think on many levels the process of working is helping me beat this. On the other hand, I know that I will have some type of withdraw at the end and I really will not have much time to deal with it which could be a problem. Hoping the worst of it will be done in 5 days and that it doesn't trigger my AI. I need to keep my head straight. Still think this is how you win the war. Keep your thoughts right. What we believe is what happens many times.
Jungledog added 874 Minutes and 10 Seconds later...
End of Day
Today fucking sucked. I don't even want to get into it but let's just say I got completely hosed by the university today. I just about told my boss where to go. I literally walked out. Ugh.
Anyhow, I managed to stay mostly to the taper. I will do better tomorrow...or at least I hope I do. I am exhausted and going to bed. Hope you all are doing better.
Jungledog added 586 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...
Day 44....shit this process lasts forever!!!!
Well, yesterday sucked. I am proud of myself though because ALL I did was take an extra teaspoon of kratom. I know it isn't perfect but I was completely stressed the fuck out AND my pain was bad. Of course I know that the pain was made worse by the stress. I don't want to discuss what happened. I am still too pissed off about it. Instead I want to focus on what went well. We addicts tend to ruminate a bit much on the negative and forget to count our blessings. So what went well?
1) My students surprised me by buying me a new yoga book!
2) Several students brought me end of class thank you gifts! I got lots of nice bath stuff and essential oils.
3) I received hugs, tears, and love from many students after they completed exams. They keep begging me to be their instructor next semester.
4) My evaluations from students were excellent.
5) I got home and was an absolute bitch to be around because of the university drama and my husband was kind and loving to me despite my behavior.
6) My son just gave me a beautiful hug before he left for school.
So anyhow, I ended up working right up to 11pm last night. I did my bedtime yoga and crashed for 7 hours. My sleep has been surprisingly good. I am having dreams. This morning I have to go to pain management. I need to discuss options with him. My pain has been fairly bad for a few days. I keep wondering if suboxone is the answer but then I think that long term it will just be another trap, ya know? Pain sucks.
I promise to get in here tonight and post some nutrition stuff. Think we will discuss almonds and why I don't eat peanut butter (it contains aflatoxin and actually people who are "allergic" to peanuts are probably reacting to the toxic aflatoxin found on them and not the nuts).
Hope you all have a wonderful day. Love to you.