I loved the term "brain fucked!" I will need to use this in the future.
We discussed Suboxone. The issue is my license and he basically told me that he hadn't really thought of that (he was thinking that I work full time for the college and practice just a little). In acute care settings, you actually have to sign a document that states you have "no drug or alcohol problems." If this is discovered, you lose your privileges and they report you to the state and then you either lose your license or they restrict it. This would literally cost me everything...my job, my income, and things like food. It is absolutely fine by the rules to be legitimately prescribed opiates for chronic pain as long as I am not impaired while working (which I can honestly say I have never done). But Suboxone is not used for pain (yes, there are doctors using it for pain but this is an off-label use) and you can bet your ass that the state monitors these now electronic records. I just can't risk it.
I am screwed. I want to discuss it some more with my husband. We did talk about it some today and he thinks I should take it as I need it and has offered to hold the pills (locked) from me to take away the temptation. I don't know. This is really difficult. I have had access to a pile of hydrocodone all along and with a Zofran I certainly could have abused it and I haven't.
Thanks all for listening. This is hard.