Yes, it would make me accountable. It also makes me feel like I am two years old.
I have been managing this pain for 12 years. I have not used opiates the whole time. I did in the beginning and then I tried to manage it with acupuncture (which I still do), herbs, heat, ice, etc. Fuck I have even tried hypnosis. Eventually I returned to the opiates. After literally years of use, I began abusing them when my marriage tanked. I have not decided to do anything yet. But it is tough for those who don't deal with high levels of daily pain to understand what this is like. My husband's point that I take it out on those around me has left me feeling like a failure on multiple levels.
Going to go spend time with my family. I will check on you all tomorrow. Thanks for the feedback. It is appreciated.
Jungledog added 2 Minutes and 51 Seconds later...
Oh and despite what I consider to be bad pain, I stuck to my taper....even though I have an entire bottle of oxycodone available. This makes me both proud and irritated. Night all.