Quitting Oxycodone with Loperamide- My story begins... - Part 134

By Jungledog · Dec 7, 2014 · ·
  1. LG,

    Man I am fucking tired. I have spent the past 2 days working non-stop on university shit. The next 30 days are going to be a nightmare for me and I am seriously reconsidering if I can even jump off this month. I can't even begin to explain what has been dumped in my lap. I haven't even showered today and need to get my ass moving to get to my son's game.

    Here are my issues in a nutshell. Honestly, I am really not particularly worried about abusing anything again. I have totally controlled my use for the past actually more than 2 months. If I can do this under the enormous amount of stress I currently am under...then thinking I have my head together. My biggest issue isn't deciding whether I should treat my pain with or without narcotics...it is what the hell I should do with the whole picture. I have adrenal insufficiency. THAT is my major problem. This is because I have extreme pain, extreme stress, and because the narcotics AND the pain fuck up the HPA axis. If I use the narcotics, this cycle continues but in reality if I don't use the narcotics the cycle will continue, understand?

    My doctor looked at me yesterday and basically said "You are so screwed." And he is right. It doesn't matter really whether I take oxycodone or kratom or fentanyl...because if any of this stuff stays in my system...well then my body can't heal. But since AI is primarily caused by extreme stress...like from horrific daily pain...then I can't heal anyhow. Biggest mind fuck ever. Only thing I can do is keep caring for my body as best I can with yoga, meditation, good food, and rest (which is a joke.) The pain isn't going anywhere and subsequently neither is the AI. I guess I kept focusing on getting off the opiates to "cure" everything and conveniently overlooked the fact that getting off the opiates changes nothing except getting off the opiates. The fallout from the pain will remain.

    Anyhow, I will stick to my taper and just see what happens. The pain today has been pretty bad but I also have a lot of stress. Going to go get my shower and go try to enjoy my kids for a few hours. Perhaps this will make me feel better.

    Love to you.

    Jungledog added 371 Minutes and 38 Seconds later...

    End of Day

    Sorry people. You will have to bare with me the next few weeks. Have an enormous amount of shit on my plate. Need to get courses prepped, have a deadline on a grant, and an article I need to submit. My nutrition stuff is going to get put on hold here. I need to focus on work for a bit.

    My taper is going fine. Kept to 1.25 tsps. every 7 hours. The new super gabapentin is really helping. Have like no detox symptoms. Pain a little better tonight which is awesome. :)

    My kid did great in his game. I have made no decisions. I am just plugging along and will see what happens. I need to focus on just getting done what needs done so I can reduce my stress. Yoga is my very best friend.

    Hope you are all kicking opiate ass people. Love to you.

Comments

  1. marathonmel7
    Hey JD… congrats on your son's game. I'm glad you got some family time in. I'm sure it's much needed. I'm glad your pain was bearable today as well. I am worried about you in regards to your pain. I think it's stupid to make yourself suffer. If you can handle your pills then I say take one if you have to. It's all about how you feel though. Only you can determine if you are able to control your usage. I personally feel that you can having read your thread journaling the last two months. Also, I don't think your withdrawals will be as bad as you think they'll be off of kratom.

    I have detoxed from benzos, worst fucking thing in my life… to morphine, fentanyl, oxy, hydrocodone, to heroin and methadone. I have detoxed from them all at some points in my life and if I can do this, you can certainly do this. And really if you think about it, you only have to do it once. Don't be like me and have to detox a billion times. It gets harder and harder each time too. Out of everything methadone was the hardest in terms of duration for opiates but benzos were god awful and I was just short of a nervous breakdown everyday for like a month. Terrible shit. That's why now I take my xanax only when absolutely needed.

    Anyhow, enough about me. I'm just thinking that based off of what I've learned about your personality, you will endure this longer than you should making it more painful than it has to be. You seem to be spinning your wheels and I hate to see that. You have enough shit on your plate that you don't deserve to be in a constant state of stress over pills, kratom, AI, pain, work, school. I wish for some happiness for you. Life is too short.

    For now, try and take it easy. Don't make any irrational decisions right now while you're in the midst of all this stress.

    I also want to say thank you because you are quite inspiring. I read your thread and feel like such a piece of shit cause i cannot get off of the couch and here you are going a million miles an hour while fighting addiction and pain. I wish for your happiness and peace sincerely.

    Hang in there. You're doing amazing. Keep up the good work. Don't be too hard on yourself and if you need one fucking pain pill than take it. I really think you can handle yourself due to the discipline you've exhibited here on the forum the last two months. However, I have no right to make that decision for you. That is a personal decision and I respect your choices.

    Either way thanks for supporting me as you have done. I too, am here for you. Wishing you peace for this weekend.

    Take care,
    Mel
  2. Golddust Woman
    Dear Jungledog,

    I feel so incredibly bad for you. All I can say is you are in a tough situation. I am amazed at how well you function with severe pain and AI. I think you are right in not making any decision at this time. Just know you are in my prayers. ((((HUGS))))
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