Quitting Oxycodone with Loperamide- My story begins... - Part 142

By Jungledog · Dec 13, 2014 · ·
  1. Mid Day Day 51

    Thanks Mel & Sparkles for your love and concern. Sparkles your thoughts make sense. I often shift patients to supplements when I wean them from prescription drugs. Then they are still taking pills. :)

    Anyhow, my thoughts to take kratom were related to my pain. I have been hurting a lot. I have tried all the pain alternatives this week with really very little relief. The Gralise has me super sleepy and dizzy but the pain is still there. So I was thinking taking kratom would be better than taking opiates...that is all. Then I try to convince myself that I can make it one more day without to see what my "real" pain is. The problem is I have real pain and it really, really sucks. I am doing my best to tolerate it.

    I slept all day and just drank some juice. First nourishment of the day. I am going to go get something to eat. Perhaps that will make me feel better. The flu sucks.

    Love to all.

    Jungledog added 38 Minutes and 9 Seconds later...

    I was listening to music and this song came on. I started to cry because it reminded me of DF and all my friends here. What do you think? Listen to the way he sings it...words on a screen don't do it justice.


    I Won't Give Up" By Jason Mraz


    When I look into your eyes
    It's like watching the night sky
    Or a beautiful sunrise
    Well, there's so much they hold
    And just like them old stars
    I see that you've come so far
    To be right where you are
    How old is your soul?

    Well, I won't give up on us
    Even if the skies get rough
    I'm giving you all my love
    I'm still looking up

    And when you're needing your space
    To do some navigating
    I'll be here patiently waiting
    To see what you find

    'Cause even the stars they burn
    Some even fall to the earth
    We've got a lot to learn
    God knows we're worth it
    No, I won't give up

    I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
    I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
    Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
    The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
    And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
    For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
    We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
    I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

    I won't give up on us
    Even if the skies get rough
    I'm giving you all my love
    I'm still looking up, still looking up.

    Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
    God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
    We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
    God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

    I won't give up on us
    Even if the skies get rough
    I'm giving you all my love
    I'm still looking up

    Jungledog added 229 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

    Keep forget what freaking day it is!!! Think this is end of Day 51 and Day 6 Clean

    I am exhausted and headed to bed all. I know I have dropped the ball on the nutrition thing. Give me a few days to get through this. For the past few days I have had basically cranberry juice mixed with ginger tea and toast. My throat hurts, the nausea sucks, and I am soooo fucking tired. I slept almost the whole damned day and here I sit planning to head back for more sleep.

    All of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Each of you who have posted here are truly amazing friends and I could not imagine getting clean without your support. Love you!!!

    Jungledog added 736 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...

    Day 52 & 1 week clean

    Well, slept fine. Woke up feeling like I was in withdraw...WTF??? I had some tea. It didn't help. I am currently making coffee which I know I shouldn't drink but I am fucking dragging. Ugh. My arm hurts BAD. Double ugh. Just took an extra dose of Gabapentin, some ibuprofen, and all my other herbs and shit.

    Ahhh! The coffee tastes like magic in a cup. Added peppermint mocha creamer. It makes it taste like the holidays. I wish I could just take a few days off and technically I could but that just means more work and stress on the other side because the work is going nowhere. I just have to push myself through this first year with new classes. Then everything is prepped and my workload drops considerably. It's hard.

    LOL! My son just took a sip of his coffee and said "Hmmmm...delicious!" Yes, my little one has coffee from time to time. It isn't a daily thing and in our culture it is common for kids to drink coffee. He has loved it since he was very little. Of course, his is half creamer/half coffee.

    Well, now I am clean and in this lovely feeling shitty stage...not much different than the tapering feeling shitty stage. This is what happened last time. I felt generally unwell and exhausted. It's fairly depressing to succeed and yet still feel lousy. I KNOW that recovery takes many months but knowing it and actually feeling it are not the same thing. My mind keeps telling me "See, you felt like this last time and could only deal with it 60 days and then you went back." I know its the hag. I hate that bitch. I wish I could just fast forward 6 months. From what I have read most people feel better by that mark of time. I am just so tired of feeling shitty constantly. Maybe it is just the flu but I think it is both and the withdraw and pain are sucking.

    OK. I will stop with the pity party. Need to go get my head straight.

    Jungledog added 5 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

    I do feel a LITTLE better today as far as the flu thing goes. My throat doesn't hurt and the headache is gone as well. I need to focus on the little victories. :)

Comments

  1. Kitts
    What a great idea, Jungledog! I will be a frequent visitor to this thread, because a) I need encouragement and b) I have a poor memory meaning I often forget my favourite quotes and need reminders. ;)
    I have quite a few favourites, but the one I am thinking of today is;

    "You've got to get up every morning with determination, if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction" - George Lorimer.

    And my constant favourite is the one in my signature;
  2. BeachWalk
    Way to go JD. Keep on truckin!

    At the risk of sounding like a broken record, if you don't treat the physical pain you could easily go back to the oxy. I know I'm preachin to the choir. Just a friendly reminder.

    After my last withdrawal I was 10 months w/no opiates. But since my chronic pain was not fully treated I got back on the drugs because I was in so much pain. It will mess with your head and wear you down. I can't say Kratom is the answer but that may be the lesser of two "evils". At times I have found Baclofen and Ibuprofen a good combo.

    When you're feeling better I could use a recipe for an Ensure replacement. I have a NutriBullet and ready to roll. I can't stand giving my elderly mother Ensure's when I could make something so much more nutritious. Anyway, absolutely no rush. Take the time off now to recharge. I think the more time you take now to take care of *you* the better off you'll be when you go back to work later -- stronger and healthier. :thumbsup:
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