Quitting Oxycodone with Loperamide- My story begins... - Part 146

By Jungledog · Dec 15, 2014 · ·
  1. No, unfortunately I am not fine. Had a really ugly arguement with my husband. Ended up leaving the house for the night. I have asked for a separation. Merry fucking Christmas to my kids. We will not tell them until after the holidays. I did take oxycodone last night. Pissed at myself but honestly sober today and realizing my marriage may need to end for my mental health.

    I have to get into a meeting. I will check in later. Feel like I left you all down.

Comments

  1. marathonmel7
    You didn't let anyone down. You did what you had to do. I'm sorry you and your husband are deciding on a separation. Maybe there is still hope? I don't know but I am a product of divorce and I can tell you that shit was traumatizing as a young teenager. I really hope you can work it out.

    Anyways, just hang in there. Try not to take anymore oxy. We are all still here for you. I will write more later when I have time. Take good care of yourself. Try and find the light in this day.
  2. lostlygirl
    Oh, sweetie, I am so so sorry. I know how awful that is. I know you are not doing ok, I can feel it.

    Give yourself some time. You know deep in your heart what you want, and sometimes we just don't get to have it. And, what you want is to have a healthy husband. At some point you need to decide how much you can live with.

    For me it came down to this: If I was my daughter, what advice would I give her. To stay or go?

    I have a feeling (and I may very possibly be wrong) that subconsciously the decision to get clean was a precursor to this. Meaning, that decision alone was pushing your marriage away from the status quo. What you did not know was which way the pendulum was going to swing? In a way you were forcing the very question that was the precursor to the drug abuse (not use) to begin with. A question that demanded to be answered for sobriety to continue.

    My advice? Go slow irregardless of whether you continue with divorce or not.

    I sent you a PM. Do it, please!

    I love you, girl. Our paths have intertwined for a reason. Note that I did not say crossed.
  3. BeachWalk
    JD - So sorry you're going through a difficult time. The healthier we get the more we realize the unhealthiness in our lives -- sadly it sounds like your marriage is one of those things. Knowing this is an important step in the process for your long term success.

    Do NOT beat yourself up over the oxy. This does not erase all of the good work you've done. You are only human. This is a stressful time w/your relationship, the holidays, job, etc. etc. Hang in there and keep us posted.
  4. Golddust Woman
    Oh Jungledog, you didn't let anyone down. It is just too easy when you are not only physically hurting but hurting deep down in your heart. How well I know the feeling. I fell off my taper too because of family shit. Of course it is always about the scum bag that I divorced 12 years ago that my Mom has living
    her house. Sorry sweetie that this happened to you. You have really given it your all. Please don't beat yourself up over one slip. You are so strong, but humans can only take so much some times. I know you must be hurting so bad. I am so sorry your having so much trouble in your marriage. I pray that no matter what you decide, that you will be happier and get where you want and need to be. (((HUGS)))
  5. Mr Bumble
    OMG if you read my thread I went through the exact same thing last year just before xmas while in detox. It killed me and was the most difficult thing I ever did but a year on things are better and worked out for the best. If you ever want to talk I'm here for you xx
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