Quitting Oxycodone with Loperamide- My story begins... - Part 147

By Jungledog · Dec 15, 2014 · ·
  1. I appreciate all the support. This has been a very difficult 24 hours. My husband struggles with mental illness and he has been in denial about it all his adult life. He is very difficult to live with particularly when he stops taking his meds. I have cared for him and have overcompensated for him and acted more as his mother than his wife. I am exhausted and we keep repeating the same patterns over and over. He needs to take responsibility (hell, his psychiatrist sides with me and has repeatedly told him that he needs to stop denying his issues). I am well aware of what divorce does to children. But living with a parent who refuses to treat his mental illness is not good for children either....trust me. His denial is THE reason I medicated myself.

    I do not know where things will be going from here and right now I am not really wanting to talk about it yet. I am doing OK. No further oxy and no issues from the dose I did take. I just need to mourn for a bit.

Comments

  1. Mr Bumble
    I had t leave my girl and 2 year old and even she struggled but got over it. My ex split with her husband because of his drinking, they had a 14 year old and a 18 year. The 14 year old was deverstated but he realised it was for thebest in the end andnow they all have a good relationship

    leaving a partner when you have children is the hardest thing to do but sometimes it does more damage to the kids to stay.

    Just responded to you post on my thread with an open offer if you ever need it
  2. Jungledog
    Bumble,

    Thanks for understanding. Relationships are tricky and painful sometimes. We all do our best but sometimes our best isn't good enough. I appreciate the offer. :)
  3. Jungledog
  4. supermono
    Hi JD,
    I,m sorry about your marriage. I know how tuff it can be. It was better I left my wife as we just didnt get on. It was better for the kids too. As for taking some oxy. Sometimes you have to take a step backwards in order to go 2 steps forward. I did and I,m now in the early stages of being opiate free. You have done so well. Be proud of what you have achieved in the last few months my freind. You have given me so much support I will never forget that. Thank you, thank you very much. Thinking of you. Take care.
    Peace mono :vibes:
  5. supermono
    "Feeling Good" Sung by Nina Simone. Turn up loud and feel the goose bumps. My recovery tune.


    Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel
    Sun in the sky, you know how I feel
    Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel
    It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me.
    Yeah, it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, ooooooooh...
    And I'm feelin' good.

    Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
    River runnin' free, you know how I feel
    Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel
    It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me,
    And I'm feelin' good

    Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don't you know,
    Butterflies all havin' fun, you know what I mean.
    Sleep in peace when day is done: that's what I mean,
    And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me...

    Stars when you shine, you know how I feel
    Scent of the pine, you know how I feel
    Yeah, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel..
    It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me
    [scat]
    And I'm feelin'...good.
  6. lostlygirl
    Hi my lovely friend. How are you doing this morning? I woke up with a very powerful, strong overwhelming sense of sadness.

    I read your post on my thread and I completely relate to how you are feeling. This stuff just sucks, there's no way around it.

    I had no emotional connection with my ex. That was one of the reasons I decided to leave. My ex and I didn't think alike. I have a few thoughts mulling around in my head that I will post to you a little later on my thread.

    Just know I am thinking of you and am sending you love and strength. Remember that this, too, will pass.

    BTW, congrats on doing so well detox wise through all this. Girl, your the BOMB!
  7. Mr Bumble
    That's how i felt, but it can get better, please don't do what i did and let it ruin me with another year of drugs.
  8. Z3ro
    Everything ends
    At least that's what we hope for
    Plagued by our past
    And we're doomed to repeat ourselves

    Afraid of the thoughts that dance in revolutions
    And circle the mind like a snake
    Binding me
    I'm just trying to feel something

    Cold and stale
    Searching for warmth inside of every promise wasted
    You wrap yourself around me
    But I can only sense your presence
    You're nothing but a carcass
    -Counterparts

    I'm huge in the metal and hardcore thing, always have been, this band is great, I can relate a lot of these songs to how I've felt throughout these last few years. They've got a lot of heart in what they do, and theyre great guys to top it off, been one of my favorite bands since the first time I heard them
  9. marathonmel7
    My tattoo on my arm is the bolded verse. Disregard the N word. I don't use it, despise it. Just block that part out. I prefer the clean version of the song.

    "Drop The World"
    (feat. Eminem)


    [Verse 1: Lil Wayne]
    I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
    Hate in my heart, love in my mind
    I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
    You keep the sunshine, save me the rain

    I search but never find, hurt but never cry
    I work and forever try, but I'm cursed so never mind
    And it's worse but better times seem further and beyond
    The top gets higher, the more that I climb
    The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
    Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a nigga
    But soon for a nigga it be on motherfucker
    'Cause all this bullshit, it made me strong motherfucker

    [Chorus:]
    So I pick the world up and imma drop it on your fuckin' head, yeah!
    Bitch, imma pick the world up and imma drop it on your fuckin' head
    (YEAH) And I could die now rebirth motherfucker
    Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth
    Motherfucker I'm gone
    Motherfucker I'm gone

    [Verse 2: Lil Wayne]
    Uhhhh!
    I know what they don't wanna tell you
    Just hope you're heaven sent, and you're hell proof
    I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
    And confidence is a stain they can't wipe off
    Uhhh, my word is my pride
    But wisdom is bleak and that's a word from the wise
    Served to survive, murdered and bribed
    And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside

    [Chorus:]
    So I could pick the world up and imma drop it on your fuckin' head, ha ha yeah!
    Bitch, imma pick the world up and imma drop it on your fuckin' head
    (YEAH) And I could die now rebirth motherfucker
    Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth
    Motherfucker I'm gone
    Motherfucker I'm gone
    [Eminem:]
    I'm gone

    [Verse 3: Eminem]
    It hurts but I never show, this pain you'll never know
    If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
    And frostbit I've become, my back's against the wall
    When push comes to shove I just stand up and scream 'Fuck 'em all! '
    Man it feels like these walls are closin' in
    This roof is cavin' in, but it's time to raise it then
    Your days are numbered like pages
    And my book of rhymes got them crookin' boy
    This crooked mind of mine got them all shook
    And scared to look in my eyes
    I stole that fuckin' clock, I took the time
    And I came up from behind and pretty much snuck up
    And butt fucked this game up
    Better be careful when you bring my name up
    Fuck this fame, that ain't what I came to claim
    But the game ain't gonna be the same on the day that I leave it
    But I swear one way or another I'm a make these fuckin' haters believe it
    I swear to God, won't spare the rod
    I'm a man of my word, so your fuckin' heads better nod
    Or I'm a fuck around in this bitch and roast everybody
    Sleep on me that pillow is where your head'll lie
    Permanently bitch, it's beddy bye
    This world is my Easter egg, yeah prepare to die
    My head is swole, my confidence is up
    This stage is my pedestal, I'm unstoppable
    Incredible hulk you're trapped in my medicine bowl
    I could run circles around you so fast your fuckin head'll spin, dawg
    I split your cabbage and your lettuce and olives
    I'll fuckin'

    [Chorus:]
    Pick the world up and imma drop it on your fuckin' head, yeah!
    Bitch, imma pick the world up and imma drop it on your fuckin' head
    And I could die now rebirth motherfucker
    Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth
    Motherfucker I'm gone
    Motherfucker I'm gone
    I'm gone
  10. Roaddoggy
    Hey jungleboy, I'm sorry to hear about your husband, and his mental issues. I wish I could give you the perfect advice. I mean, I now what its like to be married to someone who is fucked up, because My wife is too. But the unique thing is, so am I. I mean we are both tapering off valium, we lost our children to drugs, we destroyed our lives repeatedly. I believe my wife and I are simply products of our fucked environment. But being that we shared that environment, we understand, each others fucked upism, if that makes sense.

    I can tell you this, tapering off drugs, especially Kratom, Can stir up emotions in us, that are almost new. I found as I tapered Kratom, it made me violent. I mean, not violent enough to harm anyone, but violent enough to think about it, be a dick, to everyone, and plain not give a shit, what I say. That's what I went through while tapering Kratom. So I urge you to look into your feelings, and see if this is the taper, making you feel theses feelings, about your husband? Or is it him, getting worse, and causing more problems, due to his lack of acknowledging his mental Illness?

    Now, no one, should have to live in a one sided relationship. A relationship were only one gives it all, and the other takes it all. If You feel that's what you are going through, then, maybe changes need to be done. But I do urge you to do some soul searching. And make sure your not so upset, from the Kratom, being reduced. Again, I only bring this up, because When I tried tapering Kratom, My wife and I fought like cats and dogs. I would just get so mad, because I was in pain, and I felt she was not pulling her weight. Well she was coming off Chemo, and was still very sick. But In my head, I had to do everything, and I as sick, and just wanted to curl up and die. But instead I had to do it all.

    Now that I look back on it, she was sick, and I was an asshole, (Not saying that is the case with you) for giving her a hard time. But in my head, I as in the right. I have thus, apologized, for my behavior. Which this behavior was quit strange, as I have never felt, or acted like that, well at least, not to that degree.

    Again, Not necessarily saying that's what the issue is, Just saying it was with me. We all react differently, to drugs, and coming off them. But I thought I would just bring it up. It does seem to me that your husband, should understand your situation, and be more compassionate, and take his meds. So he can be a better person, for you, as you go through this.

    I mean, My wife and I often feel awful, during our current tapper. But we do our best, not to take it out on each other. Also, we both understand, that If one of us feels like crap, chances are the other one of us do too. I think that helps us right know not be at each others throats.

    Anyway Jungleboy, My wife and I are wishing you the best. I am here, if ya need to talk about it. Wishing you and your husband, the very best. Much Love Roaddog....
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