Good evening guys. I just snuck upstairs for some alone time. Today really stressed me out and I guess I really need to vent to you guys. Sorry if this is kind of a down post here on this holiday.
First, I have been so damned busy I have failed to answer some of the posts and questions people asked.
Beach, AI is adrenal insufficiency. It happens due to extreme stress and your cortisol levels get all fucked up as do your sex hormones. If it coincides with menopause and opiate use, it REALLY fucks things up. It is the reason that although I am basically off the opiates (few doses of kratom here and there...none today), I still feel like shit. I am very, very tired. Most people with "chronic fatigue syndrome" have AI. It's just that most Western doctors do not recognize the disorder. Not much you can do other than eat well, take herbs, exercise, sleep, reduce stress, and supplement the hormones. The issue though is as you supplement the hormones your body then will continue to fail to make them on its own. The only way out is time. It takes about 18 months off opiates and doing the whole healing program to get back to normal.
Guinea Pig, Thanks so much for the supportive post. I needed it as I don't feel particularly strong at the moment. I do have a lot going on and many days I just wish I could step off the damn ride. It's hard.
The past few days have been very difficult. My daughters basically came to me and told me that they think I should leave my marriage. They see the whole picture and although they don't want the family to split...they basically told me that they understand why I am so unhappy. It was very difficult to hear this from them.
Today was hard because I ended up having a difficult conversation with my husband. He knows he needs to get his act together but it is almost like the damage is done. I am very sad and I know I am depressed. I do not want to make any life changing decisions when I know I am probably not thinking too clearly. I want to try to get the depression handled. Get really clear of the opiates and once my head is straight in a few weeks...then make decisions. I just felt removed and lonely today. I was sitting in the middle of my dining room surrounded by my family and I felt alone. It was an uncomfortable feeling.
The Cymbalta is helping but the sweating sucks. If this continues, I will switch myself to the Lexapro. But I have to say that my pain is better. Today I had no kratom but I did go up on the gabapentin. I may need to just live with the sweating if this reduces the pain.
Well, I hope you had a really good and happy holiday. I was thinking of each of you. Often wish we could all get together and have our own holiday. I bet it would be one hell of a good sober time!
Love to you all.