Yeah, Mel and Beach, the whole chronic pain things really, truly sucks and the worst of it is there is no good solution. It seems that most people have to choose a side...picking pain management with low dose opiates (high dose long term opiates FUCK your endocrine system and make the pain look like a damned picnic) that helps somewhat but let's face it with a tolerance it doesn't help much OR they eschew opiates as poison (which isn't totally off base) and instead kill off their livers and kidneys with Tylenol and NSAIDS OR they piece together acupuncture, herbs, kratom, ice and shit and limp along. NONE of these options relieve the pain. NONE of these options work well. Catch 22 people...simply Catch 22.
So today I took kratom and it didn't work. I am seriously considering an oxycodone dose. I hurt a lot and I just literally screamed at my poor husband about something incredibly stupid. I am aware of the pain, of my mood and I fight myself on every level to "not give in to the pill" but it is hard to determine when "giving in" just fucking makes sense! Not sure I am clear but I ask myself am I thinking about the oxycodone for pain relief or because I am emotionally stressed? Have I tried alternatives? Is this justified use? But even when I know the answer is "yes" I find myself feeling weak and guilty for wanting to relieve my pain. Could this shit honestly get any more fucking complicated?