Good morning. Forgot to take my medication last night so here I sit at 4:30 am awake with my animals. Going to be another long, long day.
LG, I was happy to see you post. I agree with the connection thing and addiction. I do though think at least for me the pain is just pain. I have been dealing with it and taking narcotics for a very long time. I never had a problem until my marriage crumbled. Things there are much improved. We are talking, he is finally getting his shit together. I was so angry at him I poisoned our relationship even more with that toxic emotion. When I let it go and told him what I needed and why and explained I thought I would need to leave, that forced him to wake the fuck up.
Beach, I have been doing a lot of reflection. I do not use kratom to numb anything but the physical pain. It provides no high, no emotionally warm blanket like high dose oxycodone did. It is just a plant but one that does reduce the physical pain. The physical pain does color everything we do. Perhaps it colors most the intimate connections we have with others. Hard to be intimate when one hurts.
I keep coming back to pharm class. I teach students about addiction and dependence. There are key differences between the two. When a substance is used reasonably to offset pain this is dependence. If a substance is used to chase a high or numb enotions, that is classic addiction. I was addicted to oxycodone, I am dependent on kratom. If I had no physical pain, well then getting off the plant would be the obvious goal. My pain though cannot be managed with motrin. I tried and I was miserable. I have been miserable with this shit for over a decade.
Love to all of you!