Thanks for all the kind responses.
I have been reflecting on my situation. I have concluded that I have chronic pain that has jack shit to do with opiate-induced hyperalgesia. I am going to require pain management for life. It is what it is. Kratom and/or opiates are going to be a part of my life. I find this incredibly frustrating and depressing but I know it is time to accept it. I guess this is what I was thinking about when I said what I said.
Beach, my response really was a combo to you and LG. I know what you said and I appreciate your response. You have been so incredibly important to my recovery and a true friend. How are you feeling love? Hope the RLS is improving.
GDW, Mel, Cmenot, Roaddoggy, Sleepy, Kitts...I love and appreciate you all beyond words. Getting through and processing all this crap in my head has been the hardest part. It's funny but we all have this stigma of being "addicts" and sometimes we become our own worst enemies. We are not so much addicts as people simply attacked by the drugs we took. The opiates literally sucked away my life. Yes, I let it happen to numb my emotional pain related to my marriage. Now that things are improving I don't need to numb myself. My husband is turning around. He has been busting his ass to get his business up and running. He is exercising and really trying. I feel like my best friend is returning.
Hope you all are well.