Quitting Oxycodone with Loperamide- My story begins... - Part 258

By Jungledog · Apr 18, 2015 · ·
  1. Thanks ladies for the kind words. In my heart I want to be off it all but I also have come to accept that my pain is forever. That means that I will always need something to manage it. I need to control my use and I am doing that. Gone are the magical days when I could take a few pills just to feel no emotion. Opiates are just a fake escape. Eventually tolerance builds and the fucking bubble bursts. Then you have to finally face your demons instead of numbing yourself in opiates each evening. I am so glad I am back to me. Excelling at my jobs without an opiate crutch to numb the stress. I like me off opiates.

    Kratom lasts about 5-6 hours for pain. I still get no high to speak of. I do routinely go many hours over night without any..... 12-16 hours and do not get withdrawal most of the time. But some days I do. Kratom is a weird little plant.

    How is everyone doing?

Comments

  1. gbread
    JD - So glad the Kratom is working for you. At least it's natural and not dangerous like traditional opiates. I admire you for managing your pain, accepting it. You are strong.

    Opiates do give a fake sense of well-being. They mask all feeling and emotion. Someone said that when you get off drugs and/or alcohol, it's like quitting smoking. That when you quit, you get your sense of smell back. Some smells are great., others not so much. But just that fact that you CAN smell again is awesome.

    Here's to FEELING and experiencing life! Without a crutch, the good and the bad. Some good, some not so good. But that's ok. We get to feel it and move through all of this journey. I bet your family likes having you back as well. Good for you. And me!

    Much Love, GBread:)
  2. Jungledog
    Accepting that I need forever pain management was really hard. Kratom really helps and I do consider it safer than anything made by men in a laboratory. I think I am going to stop seeing pain management for awhile. I am ready.

    Sitting here listening to the ocean waves sipping coffee. Life is good.
  3. missparkles
    JD, having to use meds for pain management for the rest of your life really is no big deal. Once you get over the shock you'll realise that it's the reason that you use pain meds that matters, not the fact that you have to use it. Also by taking pain meds it will alleviate one of the physical issues (the most serious issue as pain is one of the biggest triggers for relapse). Once I realised this, that by getting rid of the pain I'd be more able to deal with the other issues that I had to deal with.

    When I stopped using I seemed to get every illness that was doing the rounds in my area, I had MRSA in my chest which had moved from my nose where it had been residing quite happily, and then I had Pleurisy which needed Anotherhospitalisation after six courses of antibiotics as an out-patient, and had so many boils it was unbelievable. After one ward round my consultant sent the rest of his team away to get started on the next patient on his list, he then sat on my bed, held my hand and said to me "Maria, I hate to have to say this but what did you expect? You've taken opiates, and every other drug that you could get your hands on to be honest. If someone asked me to describe you I'd have to say that you spent three quarters of your life as a chemical dustbin because of all of the drugs that were available to you, and others, way back then. The result of which your immune system has been attached and lowered, but due to all of the drugs you've ingested over the years you just haven't noticed or felt it. Plus the fact if your metabolism is working twice as hard to eject all of these drugs by the time you reach 40 your body may, and I say may as we're only just learning and finding out about the effects of opiates on other parts of the body, but you certainly prove the case that drugs dramatically and negatively effect the body. All of these things have to be dealt with, some take longer than others to cure so we'll just have to wait and find out."

    I just want to add that two weeks before I left rehab, where I'd been for 3 years, I got this awful pain in my back. My key worker took me to the local hospital (St. Thomas's in Tooting a very good teaching hospital) where they found that I had renal colic (kidney stones to me) with one stone that was too big to be blasted away but not small enough to work its own way out, so they inserted a stent, a metal tube that went from my kidney to my bladder. This was supposed to allow the stone to slip into one of the holes that were placed all the way down this tube.The point I'm trying to make is that they didn't give me pain meds when I was due them, at say 4X daily, they put me on a morphine drip so that I could take it when I wanted it. They also put me on a higher dose (after a couple of days) than they normally would for other patients as they assumed that although my tolerance level would be low for a few days it would have shot up after that. And yes, they were quite correct, my tolerance level did go up, and quite quickly. After 7 days they sent me back to the rehab with morphine and dihydrocodeine tablets. I was gutted, but I did genuinely need them for the pain.

    I apologise JD for getting so off topic, but I was just trying to explain that it isn't the end of the world having to take pain meds, and if it means you get rid of the pain then that's got to be good...right? One thing that bothered me was that I was terrified that if I got high on these pills it might trigger a relapse. I have a solution to that problem, one that I use. You don't use instant release you use modified, more commonly known as slow release, and you'll find that you won't have enough of a pain drug going into your system to create a high.I have to use a grey 120 mlg S/R Oxycontin, a peach coloured 40 mlg s/r Oxycontin, and 4 10mlg Oxycodone i/r (instant release) and I take this dose twice a day, but even if I need to take the 4 instant release Oxycodone at the same time as the other s/r tabs I "still" feel no high. Perhaps this would be the best solution? Patches that you change every 3 days also work the same way and provide no high. Perhaps you could mention it to your GP? The thing is, taking anything that isn't prescribed by a doctor kinda leaves that back door open, just a tiny bit. I know if I could justify using something not prescribed by my doctor then I could justify using something a little more potent, and then something more potent. See where this is going? This has happened to me on many occasions over the last 40+ years that I'd been using, each time thinking I'd cracked it and found the perfect drug. Yeah right, dream on Sparkles.

    One thing I do find a problem, and that's if I haven't slept well and I take a 5mlg valium (prescribed by the doctor) due to the tiredness and the daily meds I can be talking to someone on the phone and forget what I was gonna say, or I'll fall asleep completely. Space Numpty can attest to this. So it's something I need to look at. I must admit that due to my abuse during my childhood I've always been terrified of sleeping, always.

    So try to be positive love, you know when you know more and understand why you feel as you do it can make dealing with it a little easier. I think that you're doing marvelously, a real star.

    Sparkles.
    XXX
    :vibes:

    PS? I've just re read this post for the 3rd time and each time it makes a different kind of sense, I hope it makes sense to you JD, after all, that's all that matters...right? If I've misunderstood you or got it wrong then I apologise profusely, love.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!