Thanks for your response. It's funny because I read your comment about inspiring others...and I started to cry. This whole fucking process just sucks...it sucks and it hurts and it feels so incredibly lonely. You can't confide in your closest friends nor your neighbors or co-workers...nobody. But I can come HERE and I get the support I need and it is so very, very important. My husband has been supportive. He listens to me whine, makes me tea, fetches my comfort meds, and all around cheers for me but he doesn't "get" this. He has NO idea what opiates steal from you.
I feel like I have literally lost parts of my mind (can't remember shit anymore), my ability to feel emotion especially joy, to laugh, to sleep soundly, and to just be me, you know? I want my life back and yes I am willing to suffer and fight for me but sometimes it just feels so overwhelming and so fucking frustrating. I hate opiates. I hate loperamide. I hate kratom. I hate taking pills to sleep, pills to poop, pills to stop pain, pills to just freaking wake up.
Thank you for listening to me and for reminding me that I can do this and that documenting it will help others do the same damn thing. Fuck you Big Pharm, fuck you. Now I have to go blow my nose and reapply my make-up before go to my kid's school conference.