You need to locate your authentic self. It is there. Reach back to a time in childhood where you were happy. Think on what brought you joy. The true way out of this cycle of abuse is to return to a healthy focus for stress. That is why I high focus on diet and exercise. I actually have exceptional knowledge of nutrition and love teaching it. True wellnss exists best in a healthy diet. Opiates strip way key nutrients and cause neuro-endocrine problems. You brain literally rewries to get what it needs. Our challenge is reversing this process and having the balls to simply stay sober long enough to let the brain to reboot.
I was pissed to be wakening at 2am but realize I have to look at it differently. My body is telling me it needs help. I listen to uplifting Christian rock, take warm shower, do lite yoga and within hour I can get back to sleep. I just have to accept this is going to be for quite sometime. Better to go with the flow. Less stress.
Cmenot, thanks for the support and kind words. I appreciate the love. This place gives me so much hope!
Ok gonna try to get back to bed. Hugs, JD
Jungledog added 429 Minutes and 52 Seconds later...
Day 18, off oxy & loperamide, Day 5 kratom taper
OK folks. I made it to another day! JBM, I did not see your post last night! So glad you are doing well. The fatigue takes awhile to lift, just know it does.
At 2 am I took 1 tsp kratom and another round of sleeping pills. Knocked me the hell out. I just woke at 9:30 and I feel a little loopy and I also have a headache. I just took 1.5 tsp of kratom (yes, down another 1/4 tsp) with some Tylenol. Except for the headache I am feeling pretty good. My leg achiness...thankfully seems to have finally eased up. And apparently if you take a shit ton of temazepam you WILL sleep. Not planning to repeat that. The last fucking thing I need is a benzo problem. I also took it with a lot of gabapentin; combo might have been a bit much, ya know?
Today we are headed to my son's game and then I have hours of paperwork to do. Ugh. I am kicking ass people. Hope you are doing the exact same thing! Fuck you, Big Pharm. Off your shit and doing fine thank you very much. Bet it pisses you off that I am using a plant to beat your system.
Jungledog added 239 Minutes and 41 Seconds later...
Mid- Day 18, clean of oxy & loperamide, Day 5 kratom taper
Dragging a bit. Just hit the 4 hour mark since last kratom dose and God knows I want more. I ache and feel unmotivated which is BAD. I have so much work to do. Currently blasting tobyMac...it helps. I am not particularly religious but for some reason Christian rock/pop is really motivating and supportive right now.
Woke with a headache which has gone away with the Tylenol. The achiness came back about 30 minutes ago. Has to be tied to the kratom and this slow withdrawal. When I start to whine and feel sorry for myself, I visually picture my cold turkey detox...literally laying naked shaking in sweat trying to figure out whether I should put my face or my ass in the toilet and then literally crawling into the hot shower because I could barely fucking stand. THIS achiness is nothing, nothing like that living hell. See, I find perspective is everything in this battle.
I skipped breakfast so just made myself a lunchtime green smoothie. Here is what I put in it:
2 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1TBS chia seeds, 1 TBS of flax seed, 1 TBS stevia, 4 cups of mixed greens (kale, spinach, chard, baby greens), 1 cup raw walnuts (never buy your nuts roasted the heat kills all the enzymes...buy all nuts raw), 1 tps of vanilla, 1 banana frozen, and then blended in my Vitamixer. You need a high power blender. There is one on the market called the Nutri-Bullet...it is less than $100 and I hear it works great. The Vitamix cost me almost $400 but I have used it everyday, several times per day for the past 4 years. Was totally worth the investment. My kids love the smoothies. My son asked for his favorite chocolate peanut butter smoothie yesterday. He has no idea there are 4 cups of spinach in it. He goes outside and shares it with his buddies...I love it! The shakes taste only like fruit or vanilla or chocolate...you do not taste the greens at all.
If any of you all have nutrition questions, ask away! It has become a hobby for me.
OK. Gonna give in a bit here and go try to nap a bit. Maybe that will help get me closer to the 7 hour mark. I want OFF this stuff...all of it.
Jungledog added 218 Minutes and 29 Seconds later...
Rocking this shit out. NOT feeling good but well never expected this to be pleasant, did I??? I kept to my taper. I just took 1.5 tsp of maeng da kratom 7 hours after the last dose. I have realized the main thing I need to do it stretch out the dosing interval. Ianzombie nailed that shit. If I can get my body to get it less times per day and make sure one of my doses is at bedtime...this should allow me to sleep longer. If I can sleep, I can get through this...I CAN!!!
I have achy legs...headed to my bath tub with Epsom salts. Figured that would help. And just generally feel beat. The whole tired thing really sucks but whining about it changes nothing. OK have to make dinner and do some laundry then off to that bath. Hope you are all hanging tight! Love ya, JD