Day 23 Evening
OK. Just took 1 tsp of kratom. I am an emotional fucking mess after posting on LG's thread but this is a very good thing. Means I am starting to FEEL shit again and trust me that hasn't happened in a very, very long time. We humans are gifted with intellect but really our greatest gift is the ability to imagine. Imagine your drug-free life. Paint the picture vividly. What do you want it to contain? What will it feel like? Hold onto the image...and go after it with all you have. Disney had shit right when he created imagineers! What we can imagine...we CAN do, we create our path.
Cmenot, yes the weird thing with this past 2 months is I am beginning to feel myself again. It is hard to put into words but I feel like the long lost me is slowly emerging. And this time...I like me!
Rocking this shit out...join the 5% people. It's worth it and everything you imagine it to be.
Jungledog added 171 Minutes and 54 Seconds later...
Day 23 Wrap UP
OK. Sick with a not so nice virus or strep...not sure which as I can't culture myself tonight. Doesn't matter. I know we for sure were all exposed so I am just treating it as such. Kinda weird. After 30 years of healthcare I have quite an immune system and really tend to not get sick. Think this whole detox thing is stressing my immune system a bit. The worst part of being a "higher" level health care provider (and I do not say this to sound conceited or some shit) is that you literally can't ever be sick. If I am on call, I am on call. Nobody gives two shits if I don't feel well. I still have to answer calls and round. I mean if you are a RN or a tech or something and you get sick, you just call out. The staffing office calls in another nurse to replace you (and sometimes there is nobody and the nurses left at work are screwed and have to divide up your work). But really when the person in charge is sick, who the fuck do you call? In big practices, you try to cover for each other. In small practices, it is a logistical freaking nightmare. In 5 years, I have missed exactly ONE day of work (and I have "off" 4-6 total days per month). I felt so bad for the doctor. He was sooo exhausted and ended up working literally 20 hours straight. He knew I was sick because I came into the ER and laid on a stretcher getting IV fluid and Zofran. The next day it was back to work!
Why I am explaining this shit? Between injury and my damn job I have gotten pretty used to working with some degree of discomfort. You just push through. I LOVE what I do....so that helps a lot but in the case of opiates I just keep telling myself over and over...that I can do this and it isn't permanent. I just need to get through it, period.
So today I had 2.75 tsps. of kratom, down .25 tsp!! Not much but it is down while sick so I am proud of it. Feels like a snail crawl.
What did I eat? Breakfast was a green smoothie which I drank in my car on my way to work (I drink almost a quart). Lunch was a veggie flat bread (gluten not the best idea but I was lazy) sandwich from a sub shop to which I added pesto instead of oil & vinegar. Dinner was a fresh (read home-made) black bean burger with lettuce, tomato, & avocado, no bread and a side of steamed broccoli. I don't snack. The bullshit everyone has been taught about eating small, frequent meals is just that...bullshit. The biggest energy suck is digestion. Think about how you feel after Turkey Day dinner. The more you eat and the more frequently you eat, the less energy you have. Green smoothies are an easily digestible breakfast as it is literally liquid nutrition. This allows you body to focus its efforts on cleaning and healing. Try it for a few days. You will find yourself hungry the first few and after that you lose your appetite and energy increases. Interestingly when the body finds balance, if you need to lose weight, it will come off. If you need to gain, it will come on. At your 3 meals, eat whole foods and eat until you are full. Drink a lot of water. Try to get 8 hours sleep (yeah I know fat fucking chance on that shit in withdrawal...hmmm that might be why I am sick too. Loss of REM sleep suppresses immune function).
Night all! I am going to TRY and sleep. I would love some positive vibes sent my way. I need to sleep a bit to heal. Hugs to ya all! Keep kicking ass. JD