I have no idea how many chronic pain patients really need narcotics but I think many do. The reality is you are damned if you do and damned if you don't! I mean I need narcotics sometimes to control my pain but now that I am basically off the opiates (except for that pill yesterday) I find that my pain is the same or better most days. I have something called a brachial plexus injury...that they missed initially and of course it is better treated initially. I can't change it and I struggle to know what to do. I do know that I will NOT be using narcotics regularly. No good comes of it.
Do not apologize for challenging me. Yes, digging up shit makes me emotional and of course worsens pain. I mean people use to numb up both emotional and physical hurts. My rapes occurred 30 years ago. I have thought about this stuff for a very long time and along the way I think I have worked a lot out in my head about it. My initial response when I think about it is still anger, then guilt and shame...but with time that has shifted a bit. I mean on some level with the passage of time...I have come to accept it and just move on. If I spend my life thinking about this shit, then to me I am just stuck in the past...a victim. I don't want to be a victim. I am a survivor and despite the things that have happened to me I feel strong and yet care about others. I just have to let it go. Make sense? Holding onto it just drags me down and continues the cycle of hurt.
Still feeling OK and have not taken kratom yet. It's a little weird. I mean did I just hit the time to step off? I mean was 7 weeks the magic fucking number for feeling better? I am tired and have a headache. But other than that I feel better than I have in awhile. Have no clue what is going on.