Re: Quitting oxycodone with methadone+loperamide- 10 days clean
time for the daily update....day 11 sober
symptom of the day? B.O.R.E.D.O.M! now i remember why i relapsed all those previous times. shit is pretty fucking boring off of opiates. the hours just drag on and on. nothing is interesting and i have zero patience for anything, even stuff i love doing. i know i gotta fill the hole left by opiates with something else but being tired 24/7 kinda makes everything suck. Im even sick of watching my favourite TV shows (catching up on missed episodes used to be the high points (literally and figuratively) of my day, how lame). i guess watching less TV is a good thing if you think about it.
something else that is getting to me are my living arrangements. i guess when i was high i didnt notice this but i need to get my own place again ASAP. I moved back with parents a few months ago due to financial troubles (an addict with financial problems, nothing new there) but i guess i just got complacent with the situation as much as it sucks big time living with parents (not the best relationship, but also nothing too bad).
its been three weeks since i started the jump off oxycodone and its getting harder and harder to pass off my symptoms for something else and everyone is starting to look at me funny, like why the fuck are you in bed all day? i wanna scream cos im fucking detoxing off years of drugs, but they dont know anything about my use. managed to keep close to 8 years of drug use a secret. so i vent here.
anyways, that was just a little bitching and whining on my part to feel better...
besides the mental dump i seem to be in today, physical symptoms are rapidly improving. sneezing is almost gone, no more sudden random sweats, RLS is subsiding and keeping me up at night less and less (6 hours sleep last nite, which is awesome) , even the lethargy seems a bit less intense, but still strong enough to make all but simple tasks a huge chore.
at this point i think the only real intense symptom left is the lethargy/energy drain. all other stuff is so weak that i mention them mostly just as a matter or record, not because it bothers me. if this pace of improvements keeps up i think i'll reach the end of the weekend pretty damn close to 90% my usual self. saturday will make two weeks clean.
i guess im just bothered about how anti-climactic this whole detox was. last time i kicked it was quick and intense and i remember getting a nice happy buzz off of being sober which lasted nearly a month. this time the kick was much smoother and less intense but i just been left feeling empty emotionally, just like when using, so kinda hard to see the upside of being sober at the moment.
anyways, sorry for the rambling and whining, i guess today is just one of those down days which normal people take in stride but which addicts are used to ignoring by getting high. time to adjust to coping with day to day shit without being high. how boring.