Re: Quitting oxycodone with methadone+loperamide- 3 wks clean
48 days clean...
so, i havent been around for a while but for good reason. Managed to go on the trip i mentioned in an earlier post and it was one of those perfect timing things. The trip was exactly what i needed at that moment and it has helped IMMENSELY with my recovery. While getting out of this fucking city was awesome in and of itself the trip was great. lots of hiking in the mountains (weirdly, all the fatigue and leg pain i still had disappeared during the trip, although they are back now but much weaker), open nature and beautiful views.
the most rewarding thing though was getting through a whole week without even having a single thought about using and realizing that i was free to do anything i want now that the pills are out my life (hopefully for good). not thinking about using, even for a few days, took a huge mental load off and allowed me to get some of the best sleep ive had in months. Im still sleeping only like 6 maybe 7 hours, but they were best hours of sleep, even considering i was in a hostel with a bunch of noisy people.
the return to real life after ten days out was a bit of a shock to the system, i was definitely not happy to be home. after basically lying in bed feeling like shit for two days (and coming close to relapsing, i scored pills but eventually flushed them) i got my head on back straight and was able to look at things from a different perspective and make some pretty significant decisions to shake things up in my life. if all goes well the next month should bring some pretty big changes.
of course not everything is rainbows and unicorns and i struggle daily to not let anxiety get the better of me and to push myself to overcome the lack of motivation. its getting easier but there are days when i just wanna lay in bed. those are the days the cravings hit hard so i try to stay busy all the time, especially on weekends. something that also sucks are the mood swings and dealing with day to day crap. the opiates basically smoothed all the ups and downs and its been hard to get used to feeling what "normal" people feel.