Relapsed...Moved on past the 18 month mark of recovery...Now what? - Part 23

By chillinwill · Jan 3, 2010 · ·
  1. Red Rock thought he would post an update after seeing Dickon's latest update.

    Well Red Rock is coming up on the 21 month mark of recovery and is enjoying every bit of it. He has no worries about using anymore. They always told him in NA something about "the addiction is doing pushups and if your not always working on your recovery, it will kick your ass" or something to that sort. For Red Rock, that statement couldn't be more false at this moment in time. He has no desire to even want to go back to using. In fact, he was just thinking the other day, why the fuck would he want to numb out things he experiences in everyday normal life? It makes absolutely no sense to want to do that anymore. For him, experiencing life and just living life is pure beauty in joy in itself.

    Since his last update, he has used absolutely no substances at all. He was planning on having a psychedelic/mdma combo for new year's, but things didn't work out so he will just wait until another time. Speaking of New Year's, Red Rock actually spent an enjoying night with the family watching his favorite college football team (Virginia Tech) kick some Tennessee Vols ass (sorry Rok I had to throw that in there :laugh:). Now some people might say why would a 23 year old want to hang out with his folks on New Year's? Red Rock was thinking how his parents are starting to get older now and that he wanted to spend some quality family time with them. He had been numbing out all emotions/feelings/avoiding family time for the past several years so he figured he would enjoy his time with his family.

    As for school and work, I am currently working an internship as a Network Admin. This job fucking is sick! It doesn't even feel like a job as the work atmosphere is fun and the stuff that I am doing makes it not even feel like a job. PBX phone systems, desktop and remote support, scripting, and tweaking the IIS as well as monitoring productivity are a great start for things to learn as my first internship there. I am still going to school as well so have been slightly more busy than usual but I am more than done with the internship. I am hoping they will want to hire me either part time while I continue in school or once I graduate in another year and several months.

    Oh one thing I wanted to mention. I went to an extended family get together for the holidays. Now based on my past and how my social skills were before, I always felt awkward and dreaded these type of events. Well they can still be boring at times but you know...It was quite enjoyable actually and amusing since just about everyone was drinking and damn old people when they are drinking can say some funny shit. Anyways, I found that I was able to socialize far more easily than in the past. I chatted with my cousin for a good 30 minutes on how virtualization has become the hottest thing in the IT industry and talked to a couple of uncles about sports for a while. I even chatted with my 94 year old great Aunt and she was telling me about some of her experiences during WWI and WWII. I just thought it was cool that normally I would shun away from trying to talk to my great Aunt about her experiences as in the past, I didn't give a flying fuck. Now, I was grateful to hear about some of the things she has experienced in her lifetime so far.

    I don't know how much longer I will keep writing in this thread. Probably once the 2 year mark is hit, I will request it to be closed unless something really significant comes up.

    Anyways, if anyone has any doubts about overcoming opiate addiction, or a recent relapse happened, please read this whole thread. It is proof that joy can come out of being in recovery.

    EDIT: I forgot to add that Red Rock is no longer on the Vivitrol extended release naltrexone shot. It has been 37 days since he last had his shot meaning that if he were to take opiates now, his receptor sites would be so sensitive it would take such a minute quantity to feel the effect. He figured he was going to need to come off the shot anyways at some point in his life (unless he wanted to stay on it the rest of his life and in which case, it would be very costly.) Red Rock thinks he can do without that shot now since he is so far into recovery. Since this is the first he has ever been off the shot, he is hoping to hell that cravings and whatnot do not start up again. So far so good.


  1. missparkles
    Red Rock is an inspiration. He's looked at all options, used what works...and left the rest. He's struggled and he's had good times and he's had difficult times...and come through them.

    This thread is living proof that addiction can not only be overcome, but that life afterwards can be awesome too. Sparkles is so touched by Red Rocks achievement, she wants to tell people about how well he's doing. She never misses the chance (if it's appropriate) to share stuff like this with others who understand what it really means. Even in real life this sorta achievement can give someone who is struggling a much needed lift. it ok if she tells her mum? She shares a house with her mum and son, and she wants to say "Hey mum, just spoke to a bloke who has been clean for nearly 2 years, that's bloody awesome.":thumbsup:

    She knows her mum would get a kick out of it.:)

  2. Dickon
    That's fantastic Chillin. You are an inspiration to many here, and I'm so glad things are going well. It would be great if you kept this thread up even if just to update it every few months as the R&A section of this site benefits enormously from success stories. It gives people struggling a sense of the process and the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I think stopping the naltrexone is a good idea, as you seem to have reached the right point to do it.

    Keep on trucking, and update us when you get to 2,3,5,10 or even 20 years. Who knows? Some of us might still be here!

    Have a great 2010

  3. Finn Mac Cool
    Aww feck it's great to read such a positive update on the dawn of the new year, my nephew (22) runs his own network business and as you know it's not a bad job at all.

  4. chillinwill
    So red rock has been struggling some lately. He has a few hiccups in his recovery and still is trying to get his head straight. Maybe red rock had become to complacent, or maybe not. He is going to go back on the vivitrol shot as soon as possible and will update this thread more once things are sorted out.
  5. Dickon
    Hey Will,

    Keep us posted and let us know what's happened. Maybe going back on the Naltrexone is what you need to do. We're all here to help as best we can. It seems that this is proving a difficult time for many. You're not alone.

    Lots of happy thoughts and good wishes

  6. missparkles
    Red Rock, Sparkles agrees totally with Dickon and Spare Chaynge.
    Sometimes we need a safety net, not cos we need it to catch us, but because just knowing it's there can actually stop us falling in the first place.

    Whatever it takes mate. We're all here for you, remember that?

  7. Synesthesiac
    I've not been a strong addict to anything much so take my words with a pinch of salt and sorry if they make it sound easy, but start doin some new real world activities, meeting new people, get a new hobby or two (not one on the net googling about drugs maybe?!), take up an easy sport (alone or with someone) learn to play an instrument (you know, the one you always wanted to but could not ever be fucked? Get one. Practise) try to get a girlfriend (or boyfriend whichever lol) go on holiday to a nice place with people close to you and try to remember that life is good when with them. Try to contemplate some big questions, what/who makes u happy in life without any drugs? This is what you will want to do when you reach your end years more and more, and any fake highs you might be tempted by are a shortcut to a similar place but can never give the same self fulfillment whilst spreading the love to others.

    Synesthesiac added 10 Minutes and 33 Seconds later...

    Oddly, for me, thinking of the deepest and most horrible death type thoughts have stopped my use of drugs excalating to anything too dangerous. Once, when in a right state, I imagined a world where I had died from drugs, my parents knew and were devastated. I felt regret for not being nicer to my gran, regret for fucking up my parents ambitions for me becoming a happy sucessful person, and now I'm to them just a "drug user" in their eyes, how that must feel for them [no matter how naive their perspectives on such matters may be]. I'd've never got to have kids of my own, or find a long term girlfriend for me, etc. Sometimes these thoughts, even though the darkest possible, really help give motivation, if anything to avoid them happening. They did for me.

    Though whether death is the complete end of your consciousness is another huge question that has to be answered the next century or two by neuroscience. The result matters little at the moment anyway, but thinking about this has proven very helpful for getting my life goals sorted.
  8. downigo
    Redrock don't give up giving up, you CAN do it
  9. Spucky
    AW: Re: Relapsed...Moved on past the 18 month mark of recovery...Now what?

    Maybe the red rock need holiday, from his place but also from the Df. :cool:

    What kind of recovery it is where he change his addiction to Opioids
    to a non-substance addiction like what he is doing here?

    No offend but the Cat think that red rock have to go back to reality,
    to the Real-Life, this will help!

    The Border for a Internet-Addiction is 35 Hours in a Week
    (Swim don`t know how they calculated it)

    Swim done his last smoke of Heroin in India last February,
    since more than 6 Years he is free of his hard-core addiction
    and swim has been a nearly hopeless case,
    so don`t give up, Gambatte o kudasai :thumbsup:

    I wish the Red Rock "Lebenskraft".

    ps. the Red Rock come from the U2-Song?
  10. insignius

    just spent about two hours or so (with a couple interruptions) reading this thread start to finish. there's so much SWIM could, would, wants to, and probably will say... that it's hard to even know where to start, so he guesses he'll go ahead and keep it fairly basic in no particular order (other than the order that shit pops into his head).

    First. Kudos, man. You've touched and inspired me in a way that hasn't happened in quite a little bit, driving home some realities, some hopes and aspirations, some realizations and affirmations. (especially concerning the stark differences between the ups and downs and how drastically things can change, esp. once the updates started coming less frequently). some perspective. that is something sorely needed by many in these situations. this thread has singlehandedly ensured that SWIM will be frequenting the R&A board from now on, if even just to lurk.

    SWIM is currently about 2 years out of his pretty rough opiate addiction. he was pretty severely twisted on lortab/norco and dilaudid for about 3 yrs and just about everything else for maybe another 3 before that, and thanks to his own stupidity (or rather, depression and lack of giving a fuck towards the end, instead of real lack of knowledge or basic intelligence) he was ingesting probably an average of like 15g of tylenol a day.. sometimes close to double that. just waiting to die instead of looking into a cwe? time to reevaluate things, much? he ended up switching to dilaudid (probably saved his life), splitting with the girl he was with (did the same, surely), and got jammed up and went to prison for a year (and...again), perhaps the best thing that could've happened at the time and the reason he doesn't feel like his almost 2yrs sober should be fully accredited to him... (sober from pills anyway, and no physiological dependence to anything but nicotine for a little over 2 now)even though he could have gotten them inside in much lower quantities, he never did, but still.

    Not to hijack this thread w. his story, he just wanted to offer his extreme gratitude for offering this piece of yourself and little looking glass of where he's coming from. it is really quite extraordinary, and to reinforce the notion that others have already noted concerning your ability to inspire, i personally thank you.

    Despite SWIY's relatively young age, he is wise beyond his years and others can benefit greatly from this kind of introspection and honesty. it is great to see the successes build over time. one might imagine how it would be for someone else like SWIMself struggling in similar situations to take it all in, beginning to end.. or more accurately, he should say, beginning to present.

    SWIM definitely agrees with whoever it was (dikon maybe) about the thread being kept open being an excellent idea, and believes this will continue to grow for a long time nd would be an excellent soul-searching tool in future times of duress, for both RR and others (surely yall have heard; those times are coming.. perhaps not in the way we might think granted, but alas, this is life right?) And all the more reason to be grateful for the now -- and see how it snowballs in that positive way? Like the opposite of the downward spiral.. it really can't be overstated how useful an experience like this is, someone chronicling and sharing, open and honest, sticking with it? There will be times that we all will eventually struggle with, perhaps not even with this particular issue, but that's the great thing - perspective is not limited to simply one function or situation; wisdom can prosper anywhere. And so can honesty. But we all know it's so hard, sometimes.

    It's also encouraging to read about someone going back to school; SWIM is 3 or 4 classes short of his Associate's and hasn't been since 06, and can totally relate to the stresses and anxieties there, and since he was recently laid off from the job he'd held since shortly after being released, has been considering going back for either his bachelors or perhaps a quicker certification in something... but has held back. He can't even begin to express how encouraging it was to hear the positive associations with RR's educational experience and where it went, and he's even emailed and made a call to the school regarding information with a guidance counselor.

    suddenly thinking about that "Orbits" gum commercials, with the blond chick? "fabulous!"

    And finally, SWIM wanted to save this for last -- he is very concerned for RR's wellbeing atm and has an eerie feeling that he read this thread at precisely the right moment perhaps, a twist of fate, if for no other reason than to shoot some encouraging words back at him and let him know how much his story means. It's easy sometimes for us to forget how much we mean to other people; being addicts conditions people to slowly just strip away and discard their self-esteem, sense of worth.. n in the process our perception of our value somehow changes over time -- but the person we truly are, if anything, has been the same, or truly, growing and progressing (even despite the bad choices at times). What a shift! So, with that said.. again it's the snowball effect, and it can swing radically during the whole process of recovery.

    The less longwinded version of that last would be, don't ever forget how much SWIY mean to other people -- even those never even heard from or talked to before. Shit, just a few minutes ago -- SWIM was one.

    please don't hesitate to shoot a PM if RR ever needs to vent or is struggling with something. For SWIM personally, talking is almost always hard at first.. but he benefits immensely from it. He can also especially relate to the social skills issue, as well.

    keep us updated and stay focused and positive. SWIY got this covered, bumps in the road or not... SWIM has benefited greatly by not getting too up on the upswings (but instead expressing deep, deep thanks for them) and too down on the way back, because eventually, that pendulum's gonna swing again. So maybe it swung... that doesn't mean the past 2 years have been for naught....

    peace for now and hope to hear an update soon
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