Ugh. I don't even know how to start this. I relapsed on Morphine like a year ago. After the relapse I lost my fucking music. Fell off the wagon. I went on for months without it.
Before I stopped listening to music I was able to keep things fairly together. After I stopped it all together I started ruining my reputation. Burning myself so to speak.
I guess I thought I could live without it after the relapse. I didn't realize I was high though when I thought that...
The longer I went without it the worse things got. I feel like I just traveled over the globe leaving a bunch of scratches and battle marks over everything I came across.
It's kinda like what the fuck happened. I remember waking up in Ontario on some strangers floor and coming to after I took some Codeine. Feeling like I had just tumbled provinces like a dry piece of tumble weed.
After I came back home I didn't really know what was going ON.
It took me about half a year to get back into my music. During that time I feel like I just burnt a lot of bridges. Like I removed some plug from the tub that wasn't supposed to be removed.
I couldn't even listen to music with lyrics for so damn long. My body forgot how to get the music it wanted or it started just turning on the radio and choosing the easy way out. But it didn't feel right.
I'm pissed off that I left what I knew for so long. Destroyed my life more than I thought was possible. Ruined my reputation.
Fuck. I tried to keep it perfect for so long. I'm fuckin pissed at myself...
I honestly can't believe opiates are that strong... It wasn't like that when I first got into them. They didn't cause massive damage in such a short period... I honestly didn't believe that it gets worse every time. I thought I could control it again. And I didn't even know thinking that again was possible.
I'm sick of trying to prove something.