Seizures and hallucinations...I only thought I had hit rock bottom before - Part 4

By kava_dreams · Feb 14, 2015 · ·
  1. Sorry to hear that prescriptonperil. Alcohol is one of the worst drugs I've ever encountered, worse than opiates for me. It definitely affects females differently too. Different hormones and all that. I fucking hate AA with a passion though. Went there once but I don't believe in any kind of higher power at all and it seemed disgusting to me. I'm someone that admits I'm flawed. I fucked up my own neurotransmitters, I made my own choices and I'm not powerless because of some higher being, I'm powerless because I fucked myself over. Seizures are relatively new to me but I've had vague hallucinations since I was 10. Nothing like in the movies where crazy shit just pops up but more like feelings and half heard whispers. The closest thing I could think of is the one time I tried to kill myself with benadryl. It was very similar to that strange surreal feeling.

    kava_dreams added 15 Minutes and 7 Seconds later...

    Thanks Cwb20022. I know what you mean but the longer I've been without alcohol now, the more I think it was steroid withdrawal. Don't get me wrong I've had mild alcohol withdrawal before but this was nothing like it. That doesn't mean that I don't still want to quit alcohol. I'm trying to quit right now. I just think the combo of the steroids/tramadol/overuse of alcohol exacerbated my body. I don't think I made it to the Grand Mal stage because I'm almost to 36 hours with no tremor at all.

Comments

  1. Scloud90
    I feel for you though I just got a DUI blew a .26 or .27 they thought that was some type of big deal and I wasnt going to be able to walk or talk or throw up everywhere, I wasnt even slurring and I know they knew the only reason it was so obvious was cause of the smell of vodka cause I heard them talking outside the hospital doors when the dumbasses thought I was asleep. Yeah like im gonna be able to sleep. I wanted more booze. My first arrest and 7 grams of mdma, youre godamn right that shit tested black as fuck somehow only got all misdemeanors.

    Good luck id give you some of my benzos I have stashed for free if I was allowed to, or even could, and youd be set unfortunately that cannot happen cause of rules and even if you lived close I just got a dui hahaha like you sorry and good luck.
    its the thought that counts right, I know what its like. sucks Dumbass pigs, I tried to tell them that it was easier for me to do meth for 3 months and quit cold turkey than it would be to drink a handle everyday for 3 days and stop or just in general alc vs their stupid towns meth problem i was passing through, they were dumbfounded, they didnt even know what mdma was I thnk they charged me wrong cause theyre all about as smart as if they had to watch super troopers to try and figure out what weed was or drugs. they confiscated some of the stupidest shit like a battery charger thinking it was for drugs.

    whats sad is I had a federal crime tucked into my wallets hidden pocket that I had forgot about and im not talking about drugs....idk how it got there though it wasnt my fucking wallet originally. fail again cops. I failed though because I knew I was going to be arrested and if I was thinking straight and not just accepting my demise, I had my hidden hole in my jacket I could have thrown my molly and they would have never found it, and after how they searched me I can guarantee it. There goes my fucking 1k lol


    First detox I did from alcohol was as intense as it was from 1 hour till nearly a week later then it just plain sucked ass moderate withdrawal for 2 more weeks and then relapse once i was completely reset what a waste lol. Probably the worst ive ever seen someone detox was myself and im not one to brag about detox with others being heroin addicts, and im sure theres a dual benzo alcohol addiction out there, but this was a bender that involved being a "functioning" addict that somehow was trashed for years from into the teens till not too long ago.I guarantee I had every symptom in the book and then ones that wernt invented. I dont even know how my stomach and liver arnt dead, the doctor was even a bit stunned.

    while im still retain most of my wit and intelligence id like to think, I know I have some type of mental defects whether they be random panic disorders and possiby borderline personality and clinical depression. Funny thing about clinical depression is most people just say im depressed, nah I dont really tell anyone much, and I dont really say im all sad all the time, I just say I dont find anything fun or pleasurable and I think all of this living is bullshit.

    Alcohol robs you of yourself be careful.

    Whats sad hahaha sad heh is I dont even give a shit that it happened this way. there was no other way it would end, I was doomed from childhood to be one.
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