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  1. Starting over ain't easy. But that's me again. The song that never ends.

    I did reach a turning point, however, in the way I talk to myself. During those dark times of anxiety, paranoia, guilt, I am the worst to myself. But today while I was experiencing this, I changed my thoughts to more affirming ones.

    You will be okay.
    You are a kind and loving person.
    This will get better.

    It helped.

    And here's a strange thought that may or may not make sense to anyone else...my last purchase, through a friend, was from a different source. It was way better than the other source I was using. So, my thought is, since I don't want to go back to my source, and I don't know how often this better source delivers, it will be easier for me to quit. A forced quit, if you will. I mean it still will be difficult to go through the quitting phase, but I won't have easy access anymore.

    Here's to a new day.

Comments

  1. Kathy1221
    I like your positive approach! Sometimes we spend so much time on how horrible withdrawal is that it is easy to forget that it passes and life does get better. I went through it and it was awful, but I am so glad to be on the other side. I'm not "drug-free" but I am functional, have emotions and actually want to spend time outside of just being high.

    A forced quit - is a quit and means you are trying. Kudos to you! It does get better when you quit the big, bad drugs. You do seem like a kind, loving person and you WILL be okay. Wishing you well!
  2. BadExample
    Thank you! Today wasn't easy, but I got through it. Our brains are so weird, aren't they? We hate ourselves coming down from the high, but after it's all over, we want more. I have to remind myself of those times when I declare to myself "never again," and how I felt.
  3. GreenEyedScorpio
    Not sure if this is relevant but need to get it out I guess....every single time....every single time I never really enjoy the high...my feelings of guilt will not allow me to...besides I'm tired of getting fucked over and wasting money that I could use on ANYTHING other than that fuck shit...
    I just need something that can offer the same "get up and clean the house...wash the clothes...cook...etc"
  4. BadExample
    I feel you! The worst is waking in the morning. In fact I'm still in bed right now fighting the sleep that inevitably wins over. A line or two would always help with that.

    In the past, I have been able to really clean up my eating. Believe it or not, it really does give me that all-day burst of energy to get things done. That is next on my list of quitting. The junk. Sugar, dairy, grains, alcohol, and legumes.
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