1. Here it is the 15 day mark, am I surprised , no I’ve reached it before on many occasions but then again yes I am surprised to some extent I believe I haven’t gotten high cause of lack of ability more so then actually stay away from. When it comes to meth that’s the only drug is hard for me to find and then it’s my d.o.c so that’s crazy all in itself . But as I look back on it I’m thankful that I haven’t done it. I than think of my son , I think it’s more impulse at first with lack of thinking things PROPERLY throu. Cause everytime after I’m so glad things didn’t “pan” out for
    Me and it fell throu. But I also know if it had I’d be filled with so much regret time that I take away from my son and I ! I feel as if I need to find away to straighten my thinking out and lead a diff path cause at this rate I’ll just relapse again as I always do n than put the ones that I love through that situation once again and in my eyes when’s enough enough and I say that on both parts. If anyone’s read anything I’ve written before I’m married to this wonderful woman and I just forced the word wonderful because as time goes on I wonder if this is the woman I married given I understand she’s filled w a immense hurt and anger but all I know is if this is her my relationship is in serious problems of inhabit, so I speak of my son mostly and reason is he’s 2 and the person I have lead on to be for the past two years doesn’t have to be the person he knows so at the moment he knows no diff so I’m given a opportunity to show him diff I feel. I just hold on to that unconditional love look a child gives you, and I aspire to be able to
    Fulfill his look on me. And I often wonder this, everyone has a higher power mine would be God who’s god he’s God my gods a fly dude lol. Anyways I’m in the worst personal relationship I’ve ever been in..yes I have created 98% of the damage but it’s bad I have a child with the girl who I have this relationship with, and I started using drugs and find myself in the worst of times in life when I have been granted the best reward of life..I often ask this question , why? When I speak of hard times I’ve been in some messed ur times as we alll have but just when u think can’t it does
    David your friend and TrevJames like this.

Comments

  1. Puppapoodle
    Stop now for your son man please!!! Your not living your life for yourself once you have a child. Once you commit to bringing a life into this world (your son) you then owe your life to your son. And to let something as disgusting as meth get inbetween that is fucking shameful. You literally put meth before your child, your own flesh and blood your beautiful son. How can you think that way about your wife, when she has put up with a meth addict?. She loves you man, how can you not see that. Meth completely fucks your judgement and sense of right and wrong, so please for the sake of your son, start treating your wife better. And to think that because your son is so young it doesn't matter? Honestly dude? Like really? Thats so fucked up. I had amphetamine addicted parents and let me tell you i wouldnt wish it on the person that gave me 2 steel plates in my face. I am begging you get the help you need and start loving your family more than shard. I know you'll feel better about yourself once your head straightens out, itll take a while but just remember its not about you its about your son. Your job your sole responsibility in this life is to ensure you give your Child the best fucking life you can.
  2. Puppapoodle
    It will fucking hurt man. But just imagine finding out your father put a dirty disgusting meth shard before the needs of his son. That would fucking hurt. So please man please ensure that doesnt happen. NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. DO IT FOR YOUR FAMILY. because you owe it to them. Look at what theyve been through sticking by you.
    1. Melbug99
      Ok. If shame and pointing all the shit they suck for had any affect on addicts, this site wouldn’t exist and the meth dealers would be looking for work.
      I ask you to be a little more empathetic and a whole lot less judgemental when someone just posted and laid all it all out there.
      PastorFuzz likes this.
  3. latenightdreamer
    Hey there, well done on your 15 days.

    It doesn't matter how many times you've reached it before and failed, all you need to do is try one more time.

    I don't know much about your situation but the timing of your sons birth and your meth use is somewhat telling. To this outsider it seems you have some stuff you need to resolve with your wife. I'm no expert on recovery but I believe that one can only be successful if the underlying motivations are addressed. If your use is in any way related to you relationship breaking down or the stress of a new born that also needs to be dealt with.

    Have you sort a counsellor to discuss why you use? Or at least posed that question to yourself?

    Finally, to puppapoodle. You have obviously suffered because of this drug and that cannot be changed. However your post is very aggressive and judgemental at a point where the OP is doing his best to change his life for the better. Additional judgement is not usually helpful at this point. Your experience is completely valid, but please try to be objective and understand that every person who happens to have a child and use meth is not necessarily exactly the same as your parents.

    All circumstances are different and your tactic of trying to induce shame can have the opposite effect, the person returns to using because they feel unworthy. I realise this is not your intention but sometimes when we feel things personally (for good reason) our approach and motivations can be clouded.
      PastorFuzz likes this.
  4. TrevJames
    Nice work on a little over 2 weeks. The future is in your choices.
      Kitts likes this.
  5. Melbug99
    Very nice. You’re a warrior!

    I would like to share my experience as a mother and an alcoholic. There are two things I want you to know. It is fairly easy to convince yourself that when they are young, it doesn’t really affect them. And, I hope that’s true. The problem is that the kiddo gets older and and you’re still using the same tired ass story. Mostly to yourself.
    The second place of experience I would like to share is that it has become very clear to me that I got sober for my kid. Nothing inherently wrong with that. I just never made the crucial transition to being sober for me. And my son moved off to start his life away from home and I lost my reason to stay sober.
    It is cliche. Sober people and 12 steppers and therapists say it all the time. You must stay sober for you. I leaned with a couple of hellish weeks of relapse that being clean and sober for me will also keep me clean and sober for my kid.
    I am sending you all the happy vibes. Keep up the great work!
  6. CSails
    latenightdreamer and vMelbug99, I thoroughly agree with everything yalla said . I also admire the way you said them .

    TrevJames, congratulations dude. 15 days is a big f'n deal .Congratulations are definitely in order .

    I'm not committed to quiting my vices just yet (though I some how trade 15 yeard of alcoholism for a heroin habbit and now I take subutex. That was a win for me, but it wasn't like I planned it.

    There are a couple of things that I tell some of the guys I've trained (work wise) that may be valuable to you if you can keep them in mind .

    1) "You didn't get in your situation overnight. It would be silly to think you can get out of it overnight . Understanding this will help herk your frustration level down.

    2) keep your eyes set at the horizon. Try to develop a longer-term goal and hen obsess about it. Preferably one will progress can be measured. If you have the eyes set to the horizon you don't even notice the bumbs and curves in the road .If you stare at front bumper every little thing that goes wrong will feel important, even when it's not. This works with my mental health even better than with my driving escapades.

    3) don't let "Perfect" be the enemy of "good" . You might never get perfect in some things you strive for. But good should be good enough at least until you run out of things to sorrying about;)

    As a salesman, Im fond of the sayimg "perception is reality". It's only a sligts exaggeration .

    Change your perspective t and it willwill ch your reality.

    Good luck dude. I hope some of might help you along the way . Keep us updated .
      Melbug99 likes this.
  7. David your friend
    Heyyo Jonclark208. I've been going through a similar situation involving meth & abstaining from it daily use of it.

    My reasons are to prevent my father from relapsing due to temptation, & I believe my brain, mind, & body could all use a break. I am only 18 y/o, & I've been using constantly since my 15th birthday.

    I wish you luck, my friend.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!