Still on Struggle Street

By angelraysmehigher · Mar 11, 2019 · ·
  1. Still finding each day a challenge.

    I’m still so exhausted. Roughly 8 days now since I last used and I think my body is really struggling to readapt this time.

    It’s an effort to think about getting out of bed. I found myself dealing with pretty bad hayfever over the weekend too, and I’ve noticed that since it first hit on Friday afternoon, my energy has not been the same. It’s bowled me for 6, to say the least.

    Maybe my body’s copped enough blows now and already having chronic fatigue its just not as resilient as 6-8 weeks ago.

    I’m a bit scared this tiredness is going to stick around for a while. I just feel super weak lately, my body aches all over but especially my back.
    I’m meant to be completing a new set of isolating exercises for rehab in work up for relearning functional movements and I’ve not been able to do them more times than I’ve been successful.

    Maybe my focus on unwinding and getting myself out of the chronic state of hyper-vigilance as of late is finally working and the fatigue is really starting to kick in now I’m able to wind down a bit.

    I don’t know, I really don’t know how much more up and down this can get but I do know for now I’m going back to bed.

    About Author

    angelraysmehigher
    I'm a 25yr old HAS BEEN daily user of meth. A habit I've still managed to keep hidden in the dark from my loved ones and anyone closely around me. I created this journal as a means of expressing my emotional turmoil and internal battle with this drug, my first and only avenue of confessions involving my dark and dirty little secret. I stay dedicated through abstinence for accountability and the hopes that my story may resonate with others and impact them in a positive way.

Comments

  1. PastorFuzz
    Both the physical and emotional extremes can be debilitating, but if you can abstain from using things will eventually begin to stabilize for you, that is, according to my own experience, rage would overcome me far outta proportion to whatever happened to trigger it. For about 2-4 weeks I was on a hair trigger that left me drained and sullen and somewhat fearful of the possibility I'd lose all restraint and precipitate a tragedy.

    When it passed rather suddenly, I was depressed but not to the severe degree of the enraged phase. I'll take the blues any day. Patience and self-awareness are key here.

    Hang in there, lil friend. You'll get thru it just fine. Many hugs!
      angelraysmehigher likes this.
  2. jazzyj9
    You’ll start to feel better in a few months. Be patient with yourself and with the recovery process. Take things one day at a time.
      angelraysmehigher likes this.
  3. titaniumhunter
    I'm still tired about ten years later !!!! But the good thing is I never, ever,ever get sick...no colds, no flu...nothing since I've been sober & I ride the NYC subway system almost daily and if that isn't a cesspool of germs I don't know what is. Hang in there, it took time to get where you are today, it will take time to repair & normalize. Recovering from meth isn't just about the early on withdrawal from the drug it's about the physical repair of your neurotransmitter systems, and building back up of your neurotransmitter stores.
      ICEMAN1216 and angelraysmehigher like this.
  4. angelraysmehigher
    Thank you @PastorFuzz , @jazzyj9 and @titaniumhunter for the support and taking your time to comment. I think my reasoning skills were incapacitated to that of a four-year-old until as of the last two days, lol. I seemed to manage to offload the thoughts consuming my mind but anything more, ie. replying back, was a bit of an effort. I started to pick up energy wise this afternoon and got out of bed to get a few chores done and check in on my online course platform. Trying to be more mindful of my abilities and body's recovery so being a little more cautious about taking things slow and how much energy is a good idea to invest in certain things. Mentally, still a bit bleak but I could feel my innate childishness reappear this afternoon. A few giggles and minutes spent watching some family videos of my nieces and nephews being silly. I always watch them when I need a laugh and it was just auto-pilot I found myself looking back for them and having a few moments for a good laugh.
    I think over the last few weeks, I failed to acknowledge the long-term process of repairing my neurotransmitter systems and brain chemical balance that is involved in recovery from meth abuse. I felt so happy and good that when I did stumble and fall, I had not made any exceptions for the emotions, feelings and process involved in making a mistake. I think I had completely disregarded the possibility of feeling otherwise so it was a bit of a blow when I did fall down and realised how shitty it could feel as well as a challenge to overcome.
    But safe to say I can move on from this a little wiser and more empowered to try again.
      PastorFuzz likes this.
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