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  1. guysittingwaiting.png
    Well I haven't quit yet. I seem to be waiting for something. I just use, feel OK for 10 minutes, then just wait. I wait for tomorrow so I can try to quit again. I am going crazy doing this, and I have to just do it. I looked for work today, and found some, but I can't start work before I rid myself of this fucking destroying habit of mine. It's completely destroying what I have left of a life. I'm glad I can write here and vent. I feel like I am talking to someone, and I need that. I feel numb and I am sick of this. What will it take for me to quit?? Wake up, me! I watched a documentary yesterday about WW2 vets, and boy oh boy am I ever a sissy! What these guys went through is indescribable. Pain, suffering, sadness, trauma, all this because they felt they belonged. They had a sense of purpose. I almost joined the armed forces a few years back. Maybe I should have. I was all ready to start basic training and I decided to not go forward with it. I had a good job at the time and would have had to leave. But maybe joining would have given me that sense of purpose I seem to be seeking. I dunno. I sure hope tomorrow I am sick enough to grow some balls and do this. Time is running out and I gotta pick a side. I am losing my mind.

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  1. Markant
    You're procrastinating, a typical addict behavior. It's the logical response to not being able to look ahead, in the future, to only be stuck in the misery called 'now'.
    'But I will be sick NOW'
    'Just one more fix NOW'
    'NOW it's different'
    'But NOW I have to go to court'
    Etc. Etc.

    You're stuck in the NOW bro, and it's miserable. Pretty sure you haven't figured out yet what freedom will come after the NOW, the happiness, the love you'll be given, the new person you will be, for yourself and your loved ones.

    Just a though experiment:
    Imagine yourself in 2 weeks from now. What will the you of the future rather have: being clean already and ready to pick up your life and thinking 'thank God it's over...'
    Or: 'fuck, I have to quit and I'll be fucking sick...'

    In other words: you WILL feel sick and crap, if it's tomorrow or in 2 weeks, doesn't matter, the piper will get what it's coming for.

    This lack of putting things into perspective and being able to REALLY look into the future is what's keeping you stuck, basically going nowhere.

    I appreciate you trying to quit, but trying isn't quitting bro. Try to put things into perspective and try to really imagine that you in two weeks from now. Because everytime you use, the more difficult it will become.

    Sorry for the shittalk man, I know you don't like 'tough love', but I you were really commited, you'd burn all your contacts, hell, move to a friend's place far away for a week, at least do anything so you can't score anymore. You're preserving a lifeline, very understandable, but not someone does who's really commited to quitting.

    I hope you catch the drift, sorry if I sounded like an ass man. Just my 2 cents as someone who's in recovery at the moment. I hope from the bottom of my heart you'll be in that place too soon.

    God bless.
  2. Coldchicken
    @Markant No worries. What you are writing makes a lot of sense. I am procrastinating. Congrats on your recovery, I'm looking forward to meeting you there.
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