I am happy to report that today marks DAY 21.
Each passing day feels much better.
Ambien is still present in my life for sleep. I tried Melatonin and wasn't sure on the equivalent dosing. Need 10 mg Ambien to sleep. 12 mg Melatonin only made me feel buzzed.
Looking back, I feel eight years on Suboxone was entirely too long for the treatment of my addiction, but who's to say? The journey is now apart of my history, and I've accepted that.
It's cold out here in Colorado, so needless to say - I'm okay with being in my house cocoon. I know my general hatred of human beings and ease of willingness to shut myself in for days/weeks at a time probably isn't best for my mental health; however, perhaps that too will pass with time.
I drove my own car for the first time in weeks on Saturday (as opposed to my husband's truck, which has heated leather seats, mine has non-heated leather seats ... which is miserable when it's 0 degrees F outside) and the surround sound with Bose speakers was so crisp and clean, it was like hearing music for the first time .... again. It was beautiful. Listened to Kill Bill Volume 1 soundtrack, and when Green Hornet with Al Hirt came on, I was in complete awe.
I also noticed the whites of my eyes are becoming whiter - a side effect that I am unsure affected just me? And I smell better because stopping Suboxone made me also quit another addiction, inadvertently, Afrin, which I had used for six years everyday. I have not yet begun to think about giving up my last vice, which is Diet Coke, because damn it, its grip is so tight on me, and I like it.
I've always known my younger daughter, age 6, was one-of-a-kind hilarious, and that she rules the roost. Even her big sister, age 10, knows this. And so I leave you with this:
Big sister was getting ready for gymnastics. She puts on only a sweatshirt and leggings over leotard. There is a polar vortex according to our local weatherman, and Little Sister is aware of how cold it is and says to Big Sister, "You're going to need more than a sweatshirt." Big Sister does what big sisters do so well and ignores Little Sister.
Walking to the truck to drive to gymnastics, Big Sister says to Little Sister, "You didn't tell me it was snowing!"
Little Sister says aloud to Daddy and I with so much sarcasm, and yet a hint of sinister like she means it, "I swear. We should just train her to be a dog."
The rest of the weekend Little Sister called Big Sister her "Pup".
And that is one of ten million reasons why my life is amazing.