I took @aemetha 's advice and decided to try out these journals. I have been trying to quit heroin for a bit over a month. I have been failing every single day. I'm at a point where I am asking neighbors for money and I'm loosing all self-respect. I am also having suicidal thought but I don't think I would go through with it. The thing is, I've manage to quit heroin before, about ten years ago, and only relapsed last April. I was even able to use once within those ten years without falling back into it, but now I seem to have lost all willpower. I'm scared I will loose everything if I keep this going. My spouse is at her wits end, and is probably about to give up on me. I'm not too sure what I'm doing here, I just thought I'd write what is going on, and hope that the outcome will be different this time. I've used today, and like every other time I have every intention of quitting, but I'm petrified because I know that tomorrow morning I will find some stupid reason to ask for money, and before you tell me or blame my spouse for giving me money, let it be known that I can be a master manipulator. I truly love her but I feel like I have absolutely no control over my actions when my mind is set. I've tried to get ready, I've been taking vitamins for the last month or so and have been trying to eat, but I am still terrified. I'm scared of being sick, and I'm also scared of what will come after.
I'll leave it at that today, and try to write again tomorrow.
I've been using around 1-2 points on average for the last 6 months, IV.
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Struggling quitting heroin cold turkey