I'm really struggling quite badly with weed withdrawal.
Last time I toked was on the 1st, after being a heavy user for a year. I quit because I felt weed was affecting me in that I couldn't find enjoyment without it, I needed it the morning after "just to feel normal" and that it was making me pretty much willing to throw away all my studies and money just to toke my problems away.
I'm struggling really badly with depression right now and I have done nothing but sleep 9 hours, got up cried for about an hour, dropped my niece off a school and then went back to bed, crying.
I've had withdrawals from methylphenidate before, but that was a walk in the park compared to this. My symptoms so far have been vivid dreams, overthinking things, feeling like my girlfriend doesn't love me, emotionally labile, crying all the time, feel irritable, lonely, hopeless, sweating quite a lot, desire to spark up, increased sensitivity to pain.
I've been signed-off work sick because I broke down crying.
I have started in the gym, am trying to force myself to eat what I can and get out as much as possible, I'm awaiting work-based counselling, etc. But I just need some words of encouragement or advice. I feel like life is getting the best of me.
DataMatrix added 108 Minutes and 29 Seconds later...
A little bit of background story:
I have ADHD with co-morbid insomnia. I started weed hoping it would help my insomnia.
I first started smoking hash back when I was 17, I hung around with the wrong crowd as they say - but I didn't care, I just wanted to get stoned. Eventually, after about a year, I stopped hanging around with that crowd, we grew apart in different directions and I no longer had access to weed.
For most of the time between 18 and 25 I had very irregular access to weed, in fact I even had a really bad trip one night from edibles and this put me off until 25.
At 21, I started university to gain a Bachelor's degree
In Nov 2013, I start experimenting with LSD, MDMA, and eventually cannabis (In Dec 2013). I get a new girlfriend (who I'm still with today). After two or three months of cannabis use, several trips on MDMA and LSD and a final trip in in January 2014, I start to get extremely depressed, and start thinking disturbing thoughts about suicide. I become sensitive to the world, as if I can't control my emotions. So I decided to never have LSD or MDMA again for a while, I also quit the weed at this time and my symptoms subsided over the next month or two.
I find who I am again and have a holiday with my girlfriend. She tells me she is joining the RAF but wants both me and the RAF. This comes as a shock to me and depresses me. I decide to start using cannabis again, and used heavily for the next several months (probably about 6 months). I started using for about 5-6 hours at night, constantly stoned after work and right before bed. I can say I easily went through a gram or two in those 6 hours, vapourising every 30-60 mins or so.
About 2 months in my usage goes up. I can see my bowls getting bigger and my highs getting harder to reach.
In Oct/Nov 2014, I start to realise I am being boring without weed, cannot sleep without it (worse than before I started). My memory was turning to shit, I was forgetting what had happened in movies, what I did from one day to the next and what my girlfriend had told me. I started using before and during work to "feel normal" and escape my psychological pain.
Convinced it wasn't the weed, I made up excuses. I started taking St John's Wort, which did nothing. I kept denying that I had a problem, weed is a harmless drug... right?
Dec 2014, I start to get really depressed. Still convinced it wasn't the weed I carry on, but I have a break for a few days and go back to it, convinced moderation is the key. My depression subsides a little. I start to use only right before bed, but my depression returned full-swing after more than one consecutive night of use.
1st Jan 2015, I turn my vapouriser on for the last time that night and get full-blown depression the next day.
2nd Jan 2015, I decide to quit for good.
Here are my symptoms so far:
2nd January: Nothing noticeable, sleeping was harder than usual.
3rd - 6th of January: Headache, switching between euphoria & stimulation (feeling like I was on speed) to depression, couldn't sleep for shit. This was a great time as I got LOTS done and my interests were in full swing. Dreams coming back and are strange.
7th - 12th of January: Depressed, very low mood, crying over nothing, feel empty, feeling like my girlfriend doesn't love me, feel like I've wasted my life, can't see any good in myself. Dreams are still strange, but nothing concerning. Sleep isn't too bad. Sort of switching between a depression and crying to being fine after a cry. Don't want to eat... feel too depressed... Sweating at night and early awakening. Had a bit of diarrhoea the past few days too... Actually got signed off from work because I broke down crying.
13th - 14th of January: Dreams are extremely intense, almost as if they are real and they're fairly disturbing. No longer thinking my girlfriend doesn't love me. Feelings that I've wasted my life are subsiding slightly. Sweating at night has gone. Still getting random bursts of crying, especially when telling people what I'm going through (spoke to Doctor and counsellor today). Diarrhoea has gone, appetite is returning.
15th - 16th of January: Extremely depressed. Dreams aren't as intense but they're still too intense. Feel like I've gotten worse in ways, and better in other ways. Still crying randomly, sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Sweating a fair bit. Life feels dull and grey, like I have nothing to be hopeful for. Stomach pains and lack of appetite... Dreading the worst for when my girlfriend joins the RAF.