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  1. First off let me introduce myself. I'm 37 and a stay at home mom of 2 young children. I know there are a lot of us out there, supposed "normal" people that are opiate addicts, whatever that means. I'm not normal just because I'm a mom, I'm not normal because I have a loving husband or own a business or own a house or any of that crap. I just appear to be normal to outsiders, some people can hide it better than others I guess. It's no secret I'm my immediate family that's for sure. I'm also not better than any other addict out there, we are the same. The middle aged doctor shopper, the dilaudid abusing doctor up the road, the family member you can't trust around your expensive jewelry, the injured senior that abuses their script, the homeless heroin addict that has decided they'd rather die than face sober life, we are exactly the same, there is a part of me in all these stereotypes. My story is so similar to many others in my situation. Yet I feel the need to share mine, in hopes that with its uniqueness, I can relate to others and help someone, anyone, including myself. I've spent hundreds of hours surfing the web for a story similar to mine and have yet to find one. That doesn't mean they aren't out there but perhaps they are hiding in plain sight, desperate to connect and desperate for help.
    I grew up in an affuluent household. A spoiled little brat with your typical dose of daddy issues. I got straight A's from as far back as I can remember up through my masters program. Who cares though, it's been 13 years since I was in school and I'm certainly a different person than I was then. I just want to give you an idea of the type of person I was and what I had going for me. I was a successful and young college professor and public School teacher. My students had a beloved nickname for me and other teachers claimed I had a cult following amongst the students. I found the love of my life at 30,quickly married and had 2 kids. We bought a business and a comfortable house together. Perfect perfect blah blah blah. At this point in the stereotypical addiction
    Documentary, is when you hear about the thing that went wrong, the abuse, divorce in their childhood or something even worse. Yes, I had all those things happen to me, which resulted in depression and an anxiety disorder, I suppose you could say I fit the mold. However, I take full responsibility for the mistakes I've made. It's a lack of will power, the need
    to be in control, being impulsive and being used to getting my way. I know addiction is supposed to be a disease, I suppose in my fog I can't see that for myself but I had choices. I had well educated choices and I just chose to be selfish. Maybe the disease is exactly that, the inability to make the right choice. Anyways, here's how the
    real addiction started:
    I've always been a bit of a party girl and always loved the high from
    Pain meds. I'm a red head so I've also always had a tolerance for them (if you aren't aware of the red head/tolerance thing, it's the real deal). I was completely sober through both of my pregnancies, no problem. Then I was able to finagle a Percocet script for breakthrough pain for migraines from the local handout doctor. Eventually it got harder and harder to get the script. I occasionally would doctor shop but rarely since it's a small town. Then an old friend posted something on Facebook about the dark web. Although I never got involved in that, through talking about it he revealed there was a totally legal way to get the same
    Pain relieving properties without having a script. He warned me not to overdo it since ther can be withdrawals. So I ordered my first batch of poppy seeds. At this point I wasn't physically addicted to the Percocet I'd been taking. Since the doctor would only prescribe them about once a month and I would use them all up in 1 week so I'd have 3 weeks a month without them. But once I had a steady and easy resource to get even higher than taking five 5 mg percocets and the high would practically last 2 days, I was hooked within 3-4 months. At first I tried to be conservative in my use. But then I started to have some mild WD's and became completely intolerant of the slightest discomfort.
    Fast forward 2 years, I'm a junkie. I'm starting suboxone induction tomorrow. Already had the appointment but since I live 2 hours from the doctor, he was kind enough to see me before being in full withdrawals and with explicit instructions, I start the subs tomorrow am.
    I'm beyond thrilled to be clean, I'm also terrified as all addicts are when starting the long road to recovery. I'm hoping my journal helps me through this process. I'll check in tomorrow night to let you know how the first day of the induction went.


  1. aemetha
    Best of luck to you, I look forward to reading your journal. Your story isn't so different to many here, and I suspect you'll find some common group with @perro-salchicha614 so consider dropping her a line in your seeking of someone with a similar background.
  2. James Caldwell
    Swim hopes your transition went smoothly. Swim underwent transition from opiates(specifically IV heroin to suboxone) the key to a successful transmition is ensuring you're in 100% peak withdrawal, which usually requires 24-36 hours, although Swim has made the transition in as few a 6 hours, however you will need to take more Suboxone in order to transition without entering a hellish state known as precipated withdrawal. Essentially, Swim suggests waiting at least 18 hours, and if after letting it dissolve under your tongue, check, or wherever your doctor suggests you take it, for at least 20-25 mins before swallowing or spitting out the rest of the solution, it is only necessary to do this for 15 minutes, but Swim feels that more is absorbed over the extra time period as a result of natural errors like salivation and movement within your mouth. After about 30 mins from the time you have finished dissolving have either swallowed or spit out the solution, if you still feel like you're in withdrawal, Swim personally has taken an extra half dose or even an extra full dose, and can say with the confidence of a scientific background that you will not overdose or feel adverse side effects.

    If you're personally alright with still consuming things like alcohol or benzodiazepines(i.e. Xanax, Valium, Ativan, or Klonopin) can help ease anxiety both pre and post transition.

    If you do end up taking an extra half or full dose in order to reach what you would call "a typical feeling or normality", besides things like anxiety and so, Swim would direct you to tell your doctor immediately what you took initially, how much that amount helped, the amount of time you spent dissolving it, where you dissolved it, and the same details of the second or any more doses you needed to reach a feeling or normality. Swim transitioned from a very experience heroin addiction to suboxone after waiting 22 hours after taking my last dose of IV heroin, took one 8mg brand name strip of suboxone, placed it as close to the base of the tongue as possible, and let it sit for 20 mins and exited withdrawal and successfully transitioned. However, after numerous relapses back and forth between sobriety, Swim has been in the situation where he's taken up to 12mg. The generic pills or no diffferent from the brand name film strips, in fact, if you purchase a pill grinder from a local Walgreens, CVS, Walmart, Target, Tesco, or any other pharmacy, the generic pill is actually easier to place and takes less time to dissolve thoroughly. But that's just opinion, not fact.

    Overall, Swim suggests you consume some anti-anxiety medication or alcohol(however many drinks it takes for you to get a reasonable buzz), it elimates any bad anxiety that may lead you to believe that the medication hasn't worked when in it fact has, a condition known as a placebo affect, and it is very real. Make sure you take your time to dissolve the dose, Swim suggests an extra 5 minutes onto the recommended 15 minutes for a total of 20 minutes to ensure full sublingual digestion). If after 45 minutes or so, and you have noticed a reduction in withdrawal symptoms but are still feeling enough WD symptoms to experience what and medical professional would generally define as "noticeable, consisted discomfort" that are associated with withdrawal, you may take an extra half dose and see how you feel, however definitely make sure to contact your doctor and inform he/she of the extra consumption, the original as well as added dosage, and time difference between taking them. Although off topic, after successfully transitioning, Swim strongly you suggests you contact a support group like Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous(they support addicts of all kinds) Smart Recovery, and definitely psychotherapy with a licensed psychiatrist that can be hopefully reccomended to you by your current suboxone prescribing doctor. Swim hopes to hear an update from you and will happily answer any questions or discuss any feelings you might have if you have any. GodSpeed =)
  3. Fightforthelight
    Im somwhere around ten days clean off subs. Minus one weak moment when i Did a tiny bit. Its not easy to come off. And im not even halway saying that. Just a warning i find the drawn out natuer of wd Syptoms physical and mental to be on par wit h mehtadone. And my personal favorite opiod but worst ct dtox Hands down was opana. So i highlly recomend starting at a low dose and titrating down over 7-14 days. Just wana make sure your aware of the odearl deciding to quit would be. I wish i would have been smarter. Plus it changed my attitude and Outlook. Things look and taste diffrent without it. Im fightinh for sobrirtty right now thats just my trip.. Enjoy ur day
  4. Mtdrmgrl
    Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me Fightforthelight. I started on 8mg and am quite nervous about coming off of them.
    For the time being I'm so excited about my new life but
    I certainy have read a lot about how terrible it is to get off them. My doctor says it's pretty
    painless with the right taper schedule but I'm hearing quite the opposite from people experienced with them. I've heard people compare methadone withdrawals to poppy seed tea withdrawals since both have such a long half life. Wow though, a week completely clean is something to be very proud of, hang onto it, I wish you luck. I'm sure you are going through a lot of the same emotions that I wrote about in my latest journal entry. Do you have experience with how long the depression lasts? I'm assuming it gets much worse after stopping the subs. I'm not talking about just normal depression, I'm talking about the feeling completely hopeless kind of depressed. Unfortunately in my little town there aren't any NA meetings. I could go to an AA meeting but I feel like it's such a different bag but maybe I'm wrong. Lets stay in touch and maybe we can help each other out. Take care and thanks again for your response.
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