Hey all, I am a nurse and also a recovering alcoholic and IV drug user. I've got my story of woe just as most of us do but after a long battle and doing awful things that I am really so ashamed of doing, things I never could have imagined my former self doing, I realized I needed to do something drastic or I was going to die from the needle. :'( On Saturday I went to my hospital employer and confessed. I knew that I could not achieve recovery if my employer was in the dark about my problem.
After leaving my employer's office, I immediately called my mom and then drove to my husband and told him everything. He had known about the alcohol (of which I have abstained for almost 8 months) but he had no idea about that I had ever had an opiate in my life and definitely no clue that I'd been IV'ing them (morphine, hydromorphone, and meperidine, mainly).
Needless to say it was a very long weekend filled with cold turkey W/D. But at least this time my husband knew what was going on and was very supportive despite his obvious sadness and feelings of betrayal. Work had told me that there is a three year recovery program for nurses that they would set me up with.
I felt so relieved to know that I was going to be able to get help. I made it to day 6 of cold turkey and my employer contacted me to set up a meeting. The meeting was this morning and at meeting the hospital terminated me from their employment and told me they would not be able to offer help in my recovery. I immediately fell apart. Horrible ugly sobbing in front of my bosses and HR people. Not solely because of being terminated but, also, because I knew how much this would hurt my husband. Also, sad that I had reached out for help only to be left standing alone.
I sobbed the whole way home. The phone call to my husband was incredibly hard and he was so angry with me.
I'm in a really dark place right now. So incredibly sad. I've been through most of the acute W/D over the weekend; I'm hating myself so much for doing something so awful to my family and myself. My husband loved me so much and respected me so much. We have two small children that I adore and are the lights of my life. I had thought so many times that overdosing and dying would be the only way I could break my addiction but I couldn't do it to my kids.
I don't really know why I'm posting here except I have been reading your guys' stories for so long and drawing a lot of strength from them. I haven't had one inclination to use since I confessed to my job, except immediately after leaving and realizing I wasn't going to have that "one last fix". I credit that with this forum. I felt utter shite this weekend but just got through it with distracting myself on here and watching stupid funny shows that were able to make me laugh even when I felt like dying.
I guess I'm saying thanks to all who have come before me and I want to document my story here so that it might help a future nursey finding herself in a similar position.
The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 1