Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.
To be honest, I felt incredibly bored and out of place. Most of the group there were court ordered or ordered by CPS. And I would say maybe 10% AT MOST seemed engaged in the meeting at all,and like half were on their phones, erg! Several people were obviously nodding and that really irritated me for some reason. I don't know what to do.
I know I need to do things like this to show the board of nursing that I am truly interested in my recovery ( Which I am!) but I would like to find a group that was more engaged. I think people learn most when they can be actively discussing, much like we do in these boards, versus just being "talked at".
Sleepynurse added 848 Minutes and 10 Seconds later...
So yeah, I found a specific forum for nurses going through with recovery, many of whom were terminated for diverting meds. All of whom have been exactly where I have been. It was very comforting somehow.
A lot of them have had trouble finding employment because of the restrictions placed on them whilst on probation but it is not impossible. And to be honest, right now my sobriety is all I'm focusing on. When I feel I have truly replaced my negative habits with positive ones, then I will let the job part take more of my focus.
One of the fields I have always wanted to get into was Lactation Consultant (Nurse who helps with just Breastfeeding). That was actually in my five year plan when I got hired on at my hospital and that is a job that requires no access to narcs so the restrictions imposed on me during probation shouldn't be a burden to whatever facility is willing to give me a chance.
I'm lucky in that I have already worked in this field and my manager, the one that fired me, still loved me as a nurse and thought I did a kick-ass job. I know she would write me a glowing letter of rec one day.
These thoughts are giving me hope. Losing my job fucking sucked but it's what I needed to change my life.
And from all the research I've been doing, I've done everything in my favor by being upfront and not lying about any of my drug use and self-reporting to the BON before even telling my employer. I feel pretty positive that I will not lose my license but will have restrictions placed on it and be forced to jump through all the hoops, which I will gladly do.
I also have a mental health intake scheduled next week at my local clinic. I'm really looking forward to that. Both my mother and sister have Bi-Polar disorder and my sister is rapid cycling. I always thought that I was the normal one because I didn't seem totally nuts, haha. I was always sad but never as sad as my mom and sister got (my sis first tried to commit suicide by overdosing on acetaminophen at age 13) so I never thought anything might be wrong with me.
The more I think on it, I've also had periods of near hypo-manic episodes and serious lapses in judgement but never anything like my sister. She should have "Poor Impulse Control" tattooed on her forehead,
Health and best wishes,
The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 13