The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 2

By Sleepynurse · Jan 14, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    The place where I work is considered a right-to-work place. No unions here. I'm very, very worried and scared that I am going to lose my license. I self-reported to the board of nursing but no word back yet. I don't know all that goes into the decision of revoking licensure but to think of no longer being a nurse is devastating. I loved my job very much. And I know it may seem hard to believe considering I'm an addict but my job really meant the world to me. Nursing is the most meaningful profession I have found and to think of not being able to be a nurse ever again is just... my heart feels broken.


  1. torn2bits
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Nursing is a blessing to many,so you blessed talent will help others again.
    Please know that your time of abstinence shows this to be a fact.
    There should be a program to support honesty in the medical field.

    You hold tight and know that by helping yourself like this,by quitting allows you a chance to bebegin a new state of care.

    I want to ask and ,need no answer,I simply want to trigger a thought for you.Something got to you and lead you onto this path of addiction,whatever it was/is please think of what it may be in a effort to avoid or work in this issue to help Nurse get away from temptation or work in the personal issue that lead you there.
    Best to you & I want to say your an example of honesty and integrity..torn
  2. Zombri22
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Hang in there nursey!

    I think that it's pretty messed up that your employers not only fired you, but refused to help you with treatment. Talk about adding insult to injury. I feel like they should have rewarded you for your honesty and HELPED you. It's even worse that this happened in the medical field. Last time I checked, doctors were supposed to HELP sick people...and I have no doubt what so ever in my mind that addiction is a sickness. It's an awful disease, and it kills people.

    Try to stay strong through all of this, I can't imagine how big of a blow that was to you, and your sobriety. Try to turn it into a good thing, channel all that negative energy, if you can, into something positive, to help you along your journey! Use it as motivation to work even harder to remain sober, and find a treatment program ( if that's what you want to do) that's right for you.

    I feel for you, I really do. I was on day four today, but I had a major relapse that *almost* resulted in my first ever IV use...I mean it was really close the needle was in my arm and everything, but I had a serious panic attack and stopped.

    For me, the worse part of recovery/ getting clean is the PAWS. Yeah the sickness is pretty awful, but it's manageable. It's that unbearable feeling of emptiness and depression that comes after the physical sickness that I can't stand. I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to find something to fill that void that addiction leaves behind. I'm struggling right now to get clean. It's so hard. It's not the getting clean...its the STAYING clean that gets me, you know?

    Good Luck in your journey, Stay STRONG, and thanks for sharing!
  3. Sleepynurse
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Thank you so much zombie. I am so proud of you for not injecting. I wish I could go back to my first day IV'ing and slap the shit out of myself.
  4. Smiles06
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Hello Sleepynurse,

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your job, that must make your effort to quit using opiates even more challenging. I also want to congratulate you on abstaining from alcohol for the past 8 months that is a grat achieviment! This proves that you have the willpower to quit using opiates and I want to say that I fully support you in this tough challenge. I think it is wonderful that you have realized that you will be a better mom and wife when you are not using these drugs; family does come first after all :). I also saw your post saying how alone you feel, please remember that you are never alone! You have a family who loves you very much and everyone on this forum is rooting for you to beat your addiction so when you are feeling alone please keep in mind that we are here for you, no matter what. Good luck and happy new year!

  5. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.


    And this story underscores why I kept my problem a secret. The awful truth is health care providers are not "allowed" to be addicts and admitting this has cost many of us jobs and careers. Companies (most facilities are now privately held, for-profit organizations) won't chance the liability. One slip up by a nurse, doctor, respiratory therapist, or physician (or dentist, etc). could cost them MILLIONS in liability over a patient death. Cutting you loose protected them.

    The other reality is a nurse is actually the "worst" healthcare worker to have a drug problem. Well, them and pharmacists. Why? Because you hold the keys to the narcotic box...literally. One you admit a problem or get caught, they have to take the keys and limit access. This creates unnecessary strain on your coworkers as they all basically would have to be told (as you can't cosign a narcotic waste) and they have to give all your controlled substances. This is a HUGE problem if you work in a place like ICU, ER, or PACU. It's even a problem on the floor.

    While I understand why the employer did what they did, I also know that it is likely not the end of your nursing career. Most, if not all states, have an "impaired nurse" program (and an "impaired doctor" and "impaired pharmacist" get the idea). The state doesn't want to ruin your life, they just have a duty to protect the public. Self reporting is the best way to get into the program. If you had killed someone, you'd be stripped of your license and thrown in jail but asking for help shows you want help and are willing to do what is necessary to get it. They will ask you to take classes and will initially restrict your license. You will be allowed to work but will not have access to narcotics. You will probably have to work in a new area and you may have difficulty getting a job because employers will need to know.

    I know 3 people who have been in these pharmacist, one a nurse, and one a physician. The only one really screwed was the pharmacist as they often work alone and you can't with license restrictions. The other 2 got clean, got their shit together, and got back to work. Both currently work in addiction medicine and give back to other addicts.

    Right now, be up front with the board and do what they ask. Get into treatment. Work your sobriety and figure out what caused the addiction. Mine was depression. With treatment, my life has been like night and day. Work on you and with time...your career will likely return. I know things suck right now but you are still better off. You are alive and your children still have a mother. If you had OD'd, well, that would have been it.

    I wish you the best. I wish you sobriety my friend.
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