The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 21

By Sleepynurse · Jan 31, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Three weeks ago today, I thought I was going to puke my brains out as I told someone who respected me as a professional and person that I was a thief and hopelessly addicted to iv'ing opiates.

    Then pretty much immediately started my cold turkey withdrawals.
    That was hard.

    Everything else, I can handle.

    Love to you all,


  1. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.


    You sound like you have depression/anxiety disorder. But in your case it could be all situational.

    You disclosed your drug issue because you knew you needed help. You knew you needed support for the addiction but speaking up also brings light and hope to the underlying cause. I had wondered why you did that but as you talked about the marriage problem it became clear. You knew you needed to bring light to the issue and this is a very good thing.

    You can handle your life but this is the opportunity to invite others in to help. Proud of you.
  2. BeachWalk
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Sleepy, please read what Jungledog and Kitts have said. And read it again. And really think about what you're going to do. Now that you're off drugs your real life is staring you in the face.

    I honestly don't think your husband is going to change unless he wants to. I hope that you will make taking care of you and the children the main priority. And you said it yourself, if you could get off drugs, go through withdrawal and leave your job you can get through anything. Please do not wait too much longer. And please don't tell me your husband has a gun. A lawyer and/or therapist would be a good next move. There are places you can go if you really wanted/needed to with careful planning.
  3. dating_meth
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Sleepy-I'm going to admit now that I fast forwarded past the other posts after you referred to mine & JD's post after. I haven't read anything else, so please keep that in mind if my comment is off. It's easy for your husband to dismiss other addicts as worthless junkies that he can't stand talking to & not classify you in the same category because in all honesty...he'd have to admit that his thoughts & comment are both bullshit and hypocritical. You, his wife, are worth everyone giving all the help in the world to. Every other addict? Fuck 'em, they're just a junkie. It would be laughable if it wasn't so fucked up and sad! He'll never understand it unless some huge life event knocks him off of the pedestal that he stands and judges people from. As to what started the conversation, I think you'd be Amazing in that field! It's like choosing a therapist. Do you want a therapist that's never encountered a problem in life, or do you want one who's been through hell & made it out? Me? I'm choosing the person I can relate to.

    Ok here goes. I Love reading your thread just as much as I Hate reading it. UGH! In such a huge way? You and I have SO fucking much in common from our childhoods to present that it's flat out disgusting! Partly because I read of the controlling fucked up assholish things your husband does, & without fail I can find myself either having done-or Still fucking doing the same shit to my boyfriend to some extent. I broke his nose the day after Christmas when I found out that he'd stolen from me. I'm 5'2" and 163 lbs...yet this rage that came over me? HOLY SHIT! I don't even completely remember doing everything! I disgust myself. If HE had done that to ME? 911 in a hurry & I'd do everything in my power to bury him with it! Him? He refused to let me take him to the ER because "they're going to ask how it happened, look at your hand, & they'll call the cops. I deserved it.". No Monica! NO ONE fucking deserves for you to break one of their bones over $20!!

    Don't let what I've said above fool you. He's equally, if not more abusive, just in different ways. He CAN'T hit me. He's already got 2 domestic convictions-not from me-and he knows a 3rd is a mandatory 10 year sentence. Instead I deal with him being controlling. For fuck I can't use the restroom with the door shut! He dishes out plenty of verbal abuse to the point where I find myself starting to believe the shit. & emotional abuse?? Jesus I could go on For Weeks!

    Can I leave? No. I can't even pay my rent without him! On the other side he's a diagnosed schizophrenic. I refused to let him come home for 2 days about a year ago & he called me to tell me goodbye-as in I'm checking the fuck outta here!-while he was standing on the railroad tracks! I'm stuck. With a man that I truly am just not sure I even like, let alone love on most days. Yet if someone were to hurt him? I'd be right there to both protect & avenge him.

    The only difference in our lives is that you opened a door that I KNOW I never can. I know that I cannot even drink in a social setting because let's face it...I'd never find my way out. With my pain meds? I Myself have requested for my dr to do a weekly pill count because it takes that option away. I could So Very Easily fall into addiction. I don't know, maybe that's also why I understand it to a certain point.

    The only helpful advice that I can give you is if/when you ever do make up your mind that you've had enough & you want out...MAKE A PLAN! For the women that just up & leave & make it to a shelter safely, they don't see the miracle they've been given. Start hiding away Small amounts of money so that it's not noticeable. Once every other week or so, take an entire outfit for you & the kids out of the laundry rotation and put them in a safe place-this way you have more than just the clothes on your backs. If you're the 1 who gets the mail every day, go ahead and order duplicate birth certificates for the 3 of you just in case you can't get to your copy. Every service/aid you'll be able to apply for requires a birth certificate, they'll work with you on the SS cards. If you have an android cell phone, download the Aspire app, it's free & extremely helpful in an emergency situation!

    Last but certainly not least-the attorney. Every state has a legal aid organization. You meet ALL of the qualifications to be able to use them. So far I've volunteered at 3 different agencies. I can tell you that all of the attorneys I've worked with make shit for pay, however all of them have been through their own shitty situation & it led them to want to help. They are absolutely Amazing & most of all, free of any cost!

    I'm sorry this has gotten to be so long, didn't plan to say so much. I just want you to know that there Are people out here who genuinely understand where you've been, where you're at now, & we're sitting on the sidelines cheering for you. It Will get better. HUGE HUGS!
  4. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.


    How are you doing? Worried about you and your safety. We are all here to support you.
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