The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 26

By Sleepynurse · Feb 11, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Hey JD and everyone, I'm so sorry to cause anyone worry. I'm physically okay. At the moment tempers have calmed and it has been mostly peaceful. I've been sleeping in my daughter's top bunk, lol, but it's better than my sister's couch.

    I'm not going to lie, I feel really lost right now. My heart hurts to see my husband in pain but I also know that while crying is a totally natural response to being in pain, he also can use tears to manipulate me...

    I'm feeling so much guilt. Guilt that I just can't be happy with him the way he is now...

    I think at this point he is so desperate to not lose me, he would jump through any hoops I asked him to. He already said of his own volition that he wants to go to a counselor for himself. He claims he knows that what he has done over the years has not been good or normal...

    I'm hoping it might help him realize that there isn't really saving this marriage...

    I don't freaking know... I'm sure some of you reading this are so irritated with me. Like watching a horror movie and flipping out when the girl runs upstairs instead of outside...

    It just truly isn't as easy as it looks from the outside. I've been with this man since I was 20 years old. Almost a third of my life.

    I KNOW we are not going to stay together but I can't just up and leave either...

    Anyway, so some positives, been sticking to all of my exercise goals for the month and my running is the best therapy I could ask for.

    The first 5k race I ever ran was in June and I want to sign up for it now and beat the time that my 21 year old self ran it in! I have to focus on the easy goals like this or else I just become overwhelmed with depression.

    Please don't worry about me guys. I'm going to be okay.

Comments

  1. prescriptionperil
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    I would not under any circumstance attend counseling with an abuser, as they naturally blame their wife.
    I was abused seldomly, yet viciously. Also, I was in such denial it took untll my son left to face my abuse. He didn't fit the MO. Didn't know there were various types of batterers. After a particularly violent incident that left neuralgia in my skull I told him to call for help or it couldn't be. There are classes for wife abusers. Generally they'd been beaten as children. And their wives aren't docile slaves
    He works twelve hours, yet will cook for me. My demon angel.

    I still have PTSD, but the violence seems to have ceased. Of course, he exerts financial control, but my credit card travels far and I have property in my name. Chronic pain as kept me from working.

    If you want to try to save the marriage insist he go to domestic violence treatment.

    DM me if you need support.

    I've been with him since 18.

    This is your thread Sleepy. I doubt anyone's irritated.

    Bravo, for kicking both booze and opiates.
  2. Sleepynurse
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Thank you so much for those kind words. Seriously feel as though I can't get enough kindness these days.
  3. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Sleepy,

    Domestic violence is complicated. When I suggested counseling, I did not mean marriage counseling but separate counseling; him for abusing and you for coping with the abuse by using opiates. Leaving is not such a simple thing and right now you both could benefit from professional input. Unfortunately, many in your situation are afraid to disclose when that is what would help the most.

    Congrats on your running. It will help with depression. Have you considered an antidepressant for a bit? We are here for you.
  4. jennifer_k
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Just read this entire thread, and my heart goes out to you, sleepy.

    Your courage and perseverance are truly inspiring. Sending positive vibes your way.
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!