The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 27

By Sleepynurse · Feb 14, 2015 · ·
  1. Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Thanks for reading, Jennifer.

    Things are okay. 5 weeks clean today! God, how slowly and quickly clean time goes by.

    Husband won't stop snooping. Pulled all of my phone records and called all the numbers he didn't know... that embarrassed me, a lot, but I just tried hard not to engage and let it become a fight which I know is what he's looking for.

    He actually spent the night in his car last night which was really nice. We haven't had sex in nine or ten days which is the longest it's ever been except for after our children were born.

    I think sadly this is what it takes to really get it into his head that we are done.

    Anyway... I finally did my mental health intake. They want me to do intensive outpatient which after attending I don't really think I need but it includes individual therapy and they have some excellent domestic violence counselors. So I think that will be invaluable to me.

    It was really, really hard to be honest out loud to a stranger about the abuse. I felt like I was watching/listening to someone else during the whole thing. I remember each time I've been screened, "Do you feel safe in your house?" "Is someone hurting you?" Etc and always so quickly you answer, "Yes, I'm safe. No, no one is hurting me."

    Felt very strange to say, "No, I don't feel safe."

    Okay, plans for the rest of the day include: a run, a shower, laundry, mopping, dinner and hopefully sleep. I've been getting way too little sleep as of late. I fall asleep easily enough but wake frequently with terrible anxiety.

    Happy Saturday everyone. Make today a good one.

    Best wishes,
    Sleepy.

Comments

  1. prescriptionperil
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Yes, JD, we are afraid to disclose being battered. I called a shelter for info. The person on the phone told me, "You let him hit you.". I screamed, " Yeah, I want him to beat the shit out of me". She stumbled over her words in an attempt to back track. I was the family scapegoat, but no more.
    I had researched domestic violence so throughly I learned not to assume blame. My PTSD EXPLODED. A fucking shelter blaming the victim.

    My shrink knows.

    Bastard never hit me in front of the girls. Only my adult son.

    Send those excellent domestic violence counselors here. I've met some nasty counselors. To trust is so hard.

    If you leave be careful and prepared.

    Stay safe SN.

    First time he hit I was pregnant. Not uncommon.
  2. Jungledog
    Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.

    Of course it is difficult to disclose!! And unfortunately many people do blame the victim which is just fucked up. Women do not cause nor ever deserve abuse. Sleepy, I am incredibly proud that you are reaching for help. I hope that you get the support you need. I also hope your husband is willing to admit his problem and also seek help. Most abusers have been abused themselves. He likely has shit to work out in his own head.

    Keep yourself safe first and foremost. We are all here to support you.
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