Re: The Beginning of Her End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today.
Thanks for reading, Jennifer.
Things are okay. 5 weeks clean today! God, how slowly and quickly clean time goes by.
Husband won't stop snooping. Pulled all of my phone records and called all the numbers he didn't know... that embarrassed me, a lot, but I just tried hard not to engage and let it become a fight which I know is what he's looking for.
He actually spent the night in his car last night which was really nice. We haven't had sex in nine or ten days which is the longest it's ever been except for after our children were born.
I think sadly this is what it takes to really get it into his head that we are done.
Anyway... I finally did my mental health intake. They want me to do intensive outpatient which after attending I don't really think I need but it includes individual therapy and they have some excellent domestic violence counselors. So I think that will be invaluable to me.
It was really, really hard to be honest out loud to a stranger about the abuse. I felt like I was watching/listening to someone else during the whole thing. I remember each time I've been screened, "Do you feel safe in your house?" "Is someone hurting you?" Etc and always so quickly you answer, "Yes, I'm safe. No, no one is hurting me."
Felt very strange to say, "No, I don't feel safe."
Okay, plans for the rest of the day include: a run, a shower, laundry, mopping, dinner and hopefully sleep. I've been getting way too little sleep as of late. I fall asleep easily enough but wake frequently with terrible anxiety.
Happy Saturday everyone. Make today a good one.
The Beginning of My End to Addiction/Incredibly Rough Day Today. - Part 27